Scouring the intarweb every minute of every day as we do here at Gizmodo HQ, we see more stupid things on a daily basis than most of you will ever see in your lifetimes. Some of these things we love so much we have no choice but to gush over them, like USB heating gloves and the dog fart neutralizing thong, and others are just so over the top we can let them hang themselves with the copy from their press releases. Like, say, Millionaires24.com:
Welcome to the 21. century! Do you own a luxury car and enjoy the exclusivity? Of course... But why restrict yourself? Now the time has come to define your financial status even in the digital world. Do you belong to high society? Then take this chance to demonstrate your position in an unambiguous manner. Sign up for an email address at Millionaires24.com. The overall number is limited to only 10,000 worldwide and membership is available for US$ 399.00 monthly. This email account offers all the features of a professional global webmail service incl. unlimited eMail traffic, address book, task manager, date reminder function, pop3 function and many more. With an email address at Millionaires24.com you will show all your email recipients that you have made it! An ordinary person cannot afford US$ 399.00 per month for an email address. Again, what is the point of a yacht in Monaco, a villa in Beverley Hills, or a Bentley in your garage when you are just one out of the billions on the Internet? Rise above the crowd! In a time where everyone is judged by his financial status, the members of Millionaires24.com can demonstrate their wealth. This is like a virtual diamond ring. To guarantee the exclusivity of the desired email address the number of members is limited, to the most elite ten thousand individuals worldwide. Can you can afford it? Show it!
We simply adore "Can you afford it? Show it!" and are embracing it as our new Spring mantra and catchphrase—we're totally looking forward to trying it out on our big boss!—but what we really love is that if this is for real and not some Dog Island-style joke, someone actually thinks they can get idiots to pony up four hundred bucks a month for the "virtual diamond status" of 512 MB email storage and an address at a lame domain name. Hey, Netlite Media Services, we're talking to you. If you're serious about this, may Germany never win the World Cup again.