Dumbass Almost Hit By Train Because the Future is Too Damn Quiet

Authorities in Auckland, New Zealand are urging all dumbasses to look both ways before they cross train tracks, after a local dumbass was nearly hit yesterday. But in fairness to the dumbass, the new electric trains in the area are pretty quiet. Too quiet, if you ask this dumbass.

Modern urban life is one of noise, for dumbasses and non-dumbasses alike. But with the rise of humanity’s dumbass electric cars and dumbass electric trains, our dumbass brains haven’t yet learned that some trains make a lot less noise these days.

“It’s really important that you check both directions before crossing, a train can come from either direction,” local rail services manager Craig Inger told New Zealand Herald. “The lights and bells mean don’t cross!”


It could not be confirmed by press time whether Mr. Inger meant to say, “The lights and bells mean don’t cross, dumbass!”

Electric and hybrid cars in the US will soon be mandated by the US Department of Transportation to make artificial engine noises by the end of 2019. And perhaps New Zealand should look into something similar for its trains. It’s either that or a lot more flattened dumbasses in the future.

[New Zealand Herald and YouTube]

Matt Novak is the editor of Gizmodo's Paleofuture blog

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Lack of engine noise has been an issue since headphones (portable) became a thing. So at this point, it just feels like a culling of the herd if you’re not paying attention.