This week at Uncrate: We check out the 340-hp Porsche Cayenne S Titanium Edition, get some next-day help from Nickel's Morning After Rescue Gel, and bust out the Bullet Cocktail Shaker and our pomegranate martini recipe to impress the ladies. Plus, we go all 'Et tu, Brute' with the first season Rome DVDs, say goodbye to Pluto with the GPS-enabled Meade LX90GPS Telescope, and rack our brains for sinister phrases for Heinz's custom label service. Finally, we utter the phrase "White Russian keg" in celebration of the Uber Tap Ultimate Cocktail Tap, splash on a little Cheech-endorsed Fresh Cannabis Santal, and buy our first Cracked Magazine in 12 years.

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