Segways are just for cops and dorks, and now even they won't be riding them for a while because all 23,500 of the two-wheeled personal transporters have been recalled. A software problem was discovered that could cause a Segway to suddenly reverse direction, dumping the dorks on their duffs.
Speaking of dorks, take a look at that pic there—why, it's our beloved president taking a spill on a Segway. Maybe the thing just has good logic in its electronic brain, which will now be assimilated. Back to the hive, Segways. Mommie's calling.