Oh technology, how you've failed us. Human progress has come so far, yet is this the best we can do? Cereal straws? Little tubes of Froot Loops that are lined with gross powdered milk? They should call these things Diabetes Helpers; at least then you'd know what you were getting yourself into when you bought them. Want a firsthand account of the horror? Walk with me.

They are lined in the middle with that sickly sweet powdered milk that seems to be popping up in granola and cereal bars everywhere. Someone needs to tell these guys that it does NOT replace milk and that we can all tell it's just sweetened coffee creamer. Fortunately, the flavor of that is masked by the Froot Loop shell.

The straws themselves are rather sturdy and hold up well to milk. They last a long time without getting soggy and do actually work as straws. They basically taste like Froot Loops, which is all you could realistically hope for. Sadly, the cereal straws live in a paradoxical existence; humans cannot eat and drink at the same time. Well...I guess soup makes us do that, but let's ignore that for a second.

Once you take a single bite of the cereal straw, it becomes too short for drinking and the fun immediately dissipates. If you just sit there and drink the milk, you'll just be wasting the straw as it imparts no flavor and is generally useless. Once you get to the bottom, you realize you have a half-soggy cereal straw with no milk to wash it down with.


If you need me, I'll be weeping quietly in the corner.

The Impuslive Buy [via Consumerist