As grown-up and burly as this generation of consoles has become, we still like doing some of our gaming on the PC, especially when it comes to first-person shooters. But our ultimate gaming PC isn't what's come to typify the phrase "gaming PC." We don't want some tricked out, neon Barad-dûr bullshit dominating our desktop.

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Small. Quiet. Discreet. Like a console. The Wii, to be precise, but piano black, so it's invisible like a ninja when you turn it off. In fact, that's pretty much the dig of our entire ultimate PC concept—whereas consoles have been mutating into bigger, beastlier, more PC-like creatures, we want to flip the trend on its head, with a more console-like PC.

Keeping your rig in line with the slew of new processors and graphics card that leave it in the dust on an almost monthly basis—the graphics card market in particular has become completely fucking ridiculous—is a certifiable nightmare. We just wanna play our games on max resolution at 60FPS. End of story. So our ultimate gaming PC would stay fresh for four years, running Crysis successors and resource-hog next-gen operating systems alike with ease. And all that juice would run cool, keeping everything purr quiet, a mythical big cat in a kitty's cute little body.

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The only thing big or ostentatious about our gaming PC would be the picture and sound. Ridiculously large monitor (at least 30 inches) with an equally ridiculous resolution and practically immeasurable response time for no ghosting with at least a 10,000:1 contrast ratio, to throw out some sorta real specs. In a nutshell, just a massive, gorgeous display that's also thin and sexy like our women. And we wanna really really feel every piece of shrapnel whizzing by with a booming but crystal clear surround sound system..

Fuck wires. There should be a power cable. That's it.

The OS should be as invisible as the computer itself—no hassles, no crashes, no blue screens, no troubleshooting our games for compatibility issues with drivers, software or anything else. All the games would come directly through the internets with a sorta Steam-like delivery system on warp speed that's also incredibly well organized with every game ever, killing CD piles and installation nail-biting with a single stroke.

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This PC's bottom line is no bullshit. A seamless gaming machine inside and out. It does everything but feels like you're not doing anything. It just happens, like magic.

No, I did not just describe for you an iMac, fanboys.

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