Good news, America! Your faithful scientific elite have isolated a brain enzyme that, when blocked, decreases appetite, promotes weight loss and improves the body's ability to handle blood sugar levels. You'll be fat and diabetic no longer!
There'll be no need to exercise when you'll have easy access to a drug that makes trans-fat-laden fast food less appealing while it burns away the vast reserves of fat your body has been storing away all these years in preparation for a wilderness expedition you'll never take. Of course, the blocked enzyme, CaMKK2, has only been tested in mice, but I mean mice are like one step away from humans, right?
Screw the testing, just bring us the drugs and we'll take the risk. Just don't make us keep exercising or using willpower to stay healthy. We can't take it anymore. [Physorg]