Apple Let's Rock Event Coverage Starts Now

Illustration for article titled Apple Let's Rock Event Coverage Starts Now

We're here at the Yerba Buena Center. Our liveblog's is starting at That's where you should be, either sitting back and letting the auto-refresh do its thing, or hitting that button like a mad man. The music is stopping, the lights are dimming, and Phil Schiller is being jovial. It's an Apple event. []


Pity the poor Windows/Linux users.

All they have in their wretched lives is a seething jealousy and resentment against Apple, for their bland Dells and noname boxes shriek mediocrity, both in design and software.

While we few, we happy few, we band of brothers, bask in the cool glow of our Jonathan Ive-designed hardware, the sleek interfaces of our software, the reassuring RDF of St. Jobs, who tells us all is right with out world, who excites us with his "BOOM!"s and who tittilates us with his coy, "Just One More Thing..."

Yes, we ARE fanboys, AND fangirls, too. When we walk into an Apple Store, we are among kindred spirits, superior beings, witty, sexy, intelligent. The young ones, wise beyond their years, the elders, full of wisdom, gleaned from decades of experience, willing to share it with all who ask. And each of us, blessed with that special glow that proclaims us to be "Apple Users", and therefore, better than the Windows drone and the smelly Linux hippie.

And then there is the amazingly hot sex! Wow! You poor MS/Linux weenies have NO IDEA how great the sex is among Apple fanboys/girls. Really, it's indescribable. Hugh Hefner is like the Pope in comparison to the average Apple fanboy/girl when it comes to great sex.

Truly, life is good when one is an Apple fanboy/girl. Heaven on Earth, when you get right down to it, actually.