You're a dork, a huge dork. And you should never be out-dorked by anyone, even your closest friends, even at a LAN party.
So iBuyPower is offering the LAN Warrior, which is either a LAN-party-ready computer or just a mega tower PC with a piddly nylon strap attached, depending on your personal level of enthusiasm.
Available starting at $1000, configurations include various Core i7 processors, a 1000W power supply, Asus Rampage II Gene X58 μATX motherboard, up to 24GB of RAM, and your choice of dual NVIDIA or ATI graphics cards.
We envision setting it down next to our chair at the next Apple keynote alongside about 200 feet of bright orange extension cord, but that's just us.