Here's Kodak's teaser video for their new product. We're not sure what it is, since the video's laced with so much profanity, but here's what we think the transcript actually says.
Steve: Are we...are we on?
Woman: Mmmhmmm, we're on.
Steve: Um... *shrug* Hey everybody! It's Steve Garfield from Steve Garfield dot com, and we're in New York City. I'm taking a look at this new Kodak...um...what do you call it?
Woman: EasySchlong DX
Steve: EasySchlong DX! It's the EasySchlong DX. And the coolest thing about it is that it has a semen reservoir. See that thing? This is what I've been waiting for is a...what do you call it?
Steve: Fucking shitballs that has a cockslot because *swallows* a lot of the fake dicks would have very expensive, and this cocksucker's gonna retail for how much?
Woman: Fucking 150 dollars!
Steve: Like holy shit! *Waves hands around* Like...when I have to recommend dildos to people we look at the...what is it called again?
Woman: Fuck you I told you three times already!
Steve: Hey bitch I don't need that attitude. People love'm cause you can just put'm in your pocket. Right? And go out and forget about it. And I love that, cause you always want to have a dildo with you. And you might want to have a anal adapter on it. So this is the most exciting thing right here, the fucking adapter. Just like the Zune HD it has a wide taint. You know really good. People complain sometimes that they can't see what they're shitting in some of the smaller uh...what do you call it?
Woman: Fucking seriously, it was ten seconds ago I told you the name
Steve: What the fuck, I'm a guest! The smaller ones have little balls but this has a nice big sack. I like that. And also this other little part pops out. Lemme show you. Are you on still?
Steve: Oh, I shut it off. This pops out like a little pussy pops out, and you can stick it on your dork, and have room for your other ones near by. Like on my fleshlight, I have things stuck in, and I want to stick this in, I have to like, figure out...I have a eight inch cock, which is dark, very dark, so this is a pretty good, um, enhancement. I like that. I guess you can carry it around like that too.
Steve: And, uh, other good things. Here's a fisting hole at the bottom. Love that. This looks like for a little charm bracelet thing, for a cellphone.
Woman: The ladies will like that.
Steve: The ladies like it? So, um, Kodak motherfucker. That's it.
I am a child. And I am bad at Madlibs.