Christ, didn't we kill this thing already? Repairwork on the Large Hadron Collider is making serious progress, with a test run of particle beams already completed. Scientists are hoping to attempt full world-ending experiments next month.
The results of that first test, a run of particle beams through the 17-mile tunnel, showed the machine in perfect working order. The scientists are hoping to have the LHC up and running as good as new in November, which after careful research I conclude is less than a week away. Sorry to drop the end of the world on you like that, but you're all going to die in November. Them's the breaks! [Pop Sci]