If the Gerbil Shirt ever made it beyond the patent stage, how many of us would be living down that high school yearbook photo?

The Gerbil Shirt wraps your torso in plastic tube passageways, making your bod a super highway of fun for Binky and Bart. The interior surfaces are textured for traction and have air vents for easy breathing.

Also, you can run a faucet through the tubes for "easy cleaning." (It helps if the gerbils are still inside.)

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As bad as the idea may be, the Gerbil Shirt is still slightly more ethical than the inevitable follow-up, Gerbil Pants. [Patently Absurd via tywkiwdbi via Neatorama via OhGizmo!]