Gut bacteria, scientists have recently discovered, occupy humans in three distinct flavors, much like the eight different blood types. Why? Probably some science thing. More importantly, what does your gut bacteria say about you?

A new study being published in Nature reveals that humans can apparently be divided into (at least) three "enterotypes," based on which community of bacteria lives inside one's stomach. (This is great news for scientists, who love to divide people into different groups like "blood type" and "race" and "fatness.") There are still a number of questions—are there more than three enterotypes? Can a person's enterotype change?—and, as of right now, no practical application for the knowledge.


But that's okay! We've engaged in some very scientific speculation about what each gut bacteria type says about the personality of its host, and accompanied each with very scientific stock images we found by searching "bacteria."


"The Princess"
You know what you want, and you always get your way. Your guts are filled with tiny Bacteroides bacteria!
Your Farts Smell Like: Horses
Sex and the City Character: Charlotte


"The Independent One"
You're smart, sassy, and don't let anyone bring you down. Inside of your intestines, millions of microscopic Prevotella bacteria eat your food!
Your Farts Smell Like: Vinegar
Sex and the City Character: Carrie


"The Slut"
You're strong-willed and sexy, and you don't care what anyone thinks. Your poop is made by the Ruminococcus bacteria!
Your Farts Smell Like: Egg
Sex and the City Character: Samantha