When Jeffrey Young recently discovered the corpse of his dearly departed friend, he did what any sensible 80s screwball comedy would: called his buddy, took the body to a strip club, and charged $400 to the dead man's debit card.
If that seems callous, please know that Young, 43, and pal Mark Rubinson, 25, did eventually inform the authorities about their good buddy's passing. It was just, you know, five hours after he'd found the body. And after a quick stop at Teddy T's Bar and Grill for a couple of drinks to drown their sorrows. And another at Viva Burrito for some nachos in memoriam. And just a quick swing by Shotgun Willie's Show Club for... uh... well, for lap dances. But I'm sure they couldn't see the tee-taws through the tears.
Needless to say, the entire night out was sponsored by the departed's checking account. I'm sure would've wanted it that way; stuck in the trunk of a sedan while your buddies get plastered on your dime is the modern-day equivalent of of a Viking funeral.
Young and Rubinson finally reported the death at 4am, at which point they were arrested for abusing a corpse, identity theft and criminal impersonation. They're out on bond now. But let's all just breathe a sigh of relief for those who've been clamoring for Weekend at Bernie's III. Your wait is over: it happened, in Denver, in real life, and was every bit as horrifying as the sequel. [Daily Mail]