Hey, don't judge, it's for his back injury! He's totally got a prescription. It's legal in, like, a bunch of states. The health effects are basically unknown because the medical industrial complex doesn't want you to know that it's medicine. Free, wonderful medicine from nature. And besides. Get him a good gift and he's totally going to hook you up before next year's Identity Festival. Hopefully.
1. Bic Luminere 3 Position Lighter
You may be wondering if there's really enough of a market to justify Bic making a lighter just for torching up candles with hard-to-reach wicks. And you'd be right to wonder! But your stoner uncle will know *exactly* what to do with this lighter that angles downwards. (HINT: IT IS FOR HIS BONG). At $5 it makes a nice little stocking stuffer, and it won't even make your mom suspicious. It's for his candles! I mean, he probably has hella candles anyway so your grandma doesn't smell the skunk in the basement. $5 [Amazon]
2. Iolite Whispr
On second thought, hold that lighter. Smoking is so harsh. Especially on old codgers like your stoner uncle Your stoner uncle needs the power of science. This flame will vaporize THC in seconds, for smoke-free hits. Oh man, it's positively healthy! Meanwhile, it's so easy to use, even a child could figure it out. Which is great, because your stoner uncle probably isn't that bright. Plus it says "Déanta in Éirinn" right on the casing. Which is like, probably Elvish or something. Tolkien, man, Tolkien! $269 [Iolite]
3. Miracle Berry Fruit Tablets
Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhh man. Miracle Fruit magically transforms anything sour into something sweet. It's mind blowing, even when you're not higher than a tennis helmet. But after your stoner uncle lights up, he's going to be both amazed, and sucking on every lemon in the neighborhood. (Not a euphemism.) $15 [Thinkgeek]
4. Marimekko Fatboy
After that blueberry kush your stoner uncle is TOTALLY gonna need to sit down for a while. The Fatboy boasts both comfort, and style. And when your stoner uncle settles in for a six hour Skyrim sesh, this thing totally has his back. Like, literally. Has his back! Like his backside? Because he's sitting on it? Get it? Oh man, that is too funny. I'm totally cracking up over here. $429 [Marimekko FATBOY]
5. Nirvana Nevermind Super Deluxe Box Set
Nothing makes a high last longer than rocking out to the classic sounds of guitar and rage-driven old people music. Like Nirvana! Odds are, your stoner uncle may even remember the 90s, when Nirvana was a real live band, and not just some dumb graphic blasted on T-Shirts and posters. Who knows, some of the songs may even be preserved in his long term memory. This true fan box set with previously unreleased Butch Vig mixes will take him back to an era when slackers were cool, and his brain still worked, even if he never has. $115 [Amazon]
6. A5+ Powered Speakers
Don't make your unc crank that Nirv on subpar speaks. He needs some serious woofers to rock out to, yo. These powered speakers will not only rock his tunes from any source, but they're also kind of earth friendly, thanks to the bamboo housing that's greener than hardwood, and even better super pretty to look at. Which is nice because stoners really notice shit. I mean, have you ever really looked at your hands? I mean, like, really looked at your hands? $469 [Audioengine]
7. Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas
OMG, have you seen this movie? It's, like, tripper than Expedia. Basically, there's this fucking otter, right? And he can, like, talk and play music and he starts this band and they play a gig to make some dough so he can buy his mom a Christmas thing and meanwhile, his mom, who is also a talking otter, also competes in the contest, and they, like, totally sell each others' shit in order to make the entry fee so that they can have money and shit, and then there are these, like, gangster animals, right, who are all pretty rough.
There's a talking bear and this really nasty lizard or gecko or something, I'm not totally sure, and, so…. oh, shit! Did I mention that these are muppets? Yeah! So, check it out, they're muppets man. Fucking Muppets. Did you see the new Muppets movie? That shit is hilarious for real, yo. I mean, they totally nailed it. It was the best one in like 20 years, man. I watch all that Muppets shit, dog. Hang on, what were we talking about again? $9 [Amazon]
8. Sony HMZ T1
When your stoner uncle fires this thing up, he's going to feel like he's *In* the movie, man. Sure, it's expensive, but think of all the herb your uncle would have to move to buy this for himself. Remember when he bought you a sixer on prom night? Repay the favor with interest and spring for this this sweet 3D helmet, so he can kick back in that beanbag, fire up some Emmet, and get his otter on, man. I mean, we are talking 3D Muppets and shit here! Oh, wait, there's still not a lot of 3D content? Whatever, yo! When there is, your stoner uncle will be there waiting. With his helmet. $800 [Sony]
9. Tonx.org Coffee Gift Subscription
Dude. Who is that at the door? I said WHO IS THAT AT THE DOOR? Oh shit man, it's your stoner uncle's parole officer. He totally needs to act straight before he can talk to that dude, dude! And besides, your stoner uncle loves good, strong coffee. Coffee and herb? That's a weedball, mang! But you know he can't be bothered to pick that shit out. Deciding is hard! Tonx.org small batch roasts a different coffee every two weeks, so he'll always have variety, without having to use his brain. Phew! Thinking is hard! 3 months $100 [Tonx]
Wait. There were supposed to be 10 of these things? Oh shit man! I *completely* spaced on that. Er… Hey, how about this sweet Emmet Otter DVD? What? I already said that? What are you talking about, man. That's just, like, ridiculous. $9 [Amazon]
Still haven't found the right present? Don't worry, we're here all month with a new gift guide every day—right up until the last minute. To see 'em all, head on over to #GiftGuide.