Will Tiger Woods rebound from a few years of personal turmoil to bring home his fifth green jacket? I have no idea! But will you sit/lie on the couch and ingest as much slow-moving athletic action as possible this weekend? Yes, you will, and here's how you're going to be a total sloth about it.

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10-Pound Box of Chocolate Golf Balls

There's about 70 3/4-inch chocolate golf balls per pound. Multiplied by 10 pounds equals 700 chocolate golf balls consumed by you in one weekend. $140

Indoor Mini-Golf

The marketing materials for this indoor miniature golf set would have you believe this is for you to play along with young kids. Not so. This will be your source of exercise throughout the tournament this weekend. Every so often just play a hole or two to keep your blood moving. $180

Smart Wool Argyle Socks

Argyle isn't just for nerds and hipsters—golfers love these too, right? RIGHT? We think so. Well even if its not the case, these Smart Wool socks will keep you from stinking up your living room when you wear them for two days straight without bathing. $15

Super Stickman Golf

Did you hear? The latest trend in TV-watching is second-screening. You know, fidgeting with your iPhone while you watch TV. Super Stickman Golf isn't exactly the Golden Tee arcade game down at the local bar, but it's pretty darn fun for just a buck. $1

Happy Gilmore Blu-ray

Sooner or later, the golf ends every day. To avoid actually doing something, use your Amazon Prime account to get yourself a copy of Happy Gilmore now. This is yet another great movie you can't get on Netflix. $12


Ok, ok so they drink scotch on the links in Scotland, and the Masters is played at Augusta National in Georgia. Believe it or not, people still drink scotch there too! And you're not going to have a whole hell of a lot to do when you're sitting at home all by yourself alone, so bottoms up. $Depends