Here comes Memorial Day, the unofficial kickoff of summer. Woohoo! Before you go and do something silly like spend money on fancy sunglasses that will make you look cool (who wants to do that?!?) here are some goods that will help protect you from the sun's harmful rays while also making you look like a total buffoon.

Image via dukibu/

Zinka Colored Sunblock

Remember that purple sunscreen that would help you tell which parts of your body you hadn't covered? It disappeared when you rubbed it. Not this stuff though! Zinka is like body paint that protects you from the sun—what you paint on yourself is up to you. $6 per tube

Horrible "Privacy" Sunglasses

Shades are al about putting up a facade—a screen that conceals your timorous eyes while letting people know you're number one. These "privacy" glasses let people know you're so cool that people are constantly trying to take pictures of you so you need to censor out your eyes so that no one finds you out. Yeah, that's exactly what people will think of you if you wear these glasses. $12

Solar Face Shield

Forget concealing your eyes. Conceal your whole freaking face behind the solar sheld. $27

The Parasol Hat

Or better yet get this parasol hat. It's like a sombrero, except it still works when it rains! $8

Sun Gloves

We're writers here, so we take our hands very seriously. You better get some UV protection on them. I bet these fashionable Sun Gloves won't only save your hands from the sun—they might improve your golf swing too. $15