It's bad enough that you have to deal with the mouth-breathers at your office five days a week. Now you've got to spend your hard-earned money on a Secret Santa present for them as well? Thank you, no. Express your displeasure with these fantastically snarky gift ideas.

CDs

Bonus points if they're AOL installation CDs. [Image: shutterstock]

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A Journal

For when you want to tell your co-worker, "I give precisely zero fucks about your opinion so here, write your feelings down in this book. Then burn it." [Image: shutterstock]

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VHS Boxsets

Because everybody loves legacy technology, right?

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AAAA Batteries

Are these even a thing?

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Smoking Cessation Aids

Hint, Hint. [Image: shutterstock]

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A Gym Membership

Because you're fat, fatty. [Image: shutterstock]

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Spanx

Because you're fat, Ms. Fatty.

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Match.com Subscription

It's either this or rent you a hooker.

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Sweatpants

These rank just below socks and neck ties on the scale of shitty clothing to receive. [Image: shutterstock]

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Applebees giftcard

Because Guy Fieri's American Bar and Grill is too good for you.

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A Weight Watchers Subscription

You'll need it after all that Applebee's.

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Breathe Right Anti-Snore Strips

A gentle reminder that maybe you shouldn't sleep while at work.