That Guy Who Thinks He Owns the Moon Is So Fucked

Yesterday, we learned that the FAA is gearing up to start licensing business on the moon. And while this can mean any number of things for the aerospace community at-large, for Dennis M. Hope of Gardnerville, Nevada, it means one thing and one thing alone: Dennis is screwed.

This is because Dennis, as the head of the Lunar Embassy Commission, owns the moon. He's owned the moon since 1980, when he discovered that he had the power to make things true simply by saying them out loud. Although, to be fair, Dennis did file a statement of ownership with the United Nations—he just never heard back.

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None of that matters now, though, cause if the FAA has its way, Dennis' statement will be meaningless. According to yesterday's Reuters report, the FAA's regulation "doesn't mean there's ownership on the moon." But with a government body attempt to regulate the comings and goings, Dennis loses his infallible "but no one's stopping me!" line of reasoning. Even if the FAA loses out to some broader international effort in the future, chances are slimmer than ever that Dennis will have a seat at the table.

We've reached out to Dennis for comment on the matter and asked whether or not he plans to protest the FAA's outlandish commandeering of his hard-earned moon rock. We'll update the minute we hear back.

Buy a Plot of the Moon From the Man Who Decided to Be Its Landlord

Meet Dennis M. Hope, 65, of Gardnerville, Nevada. Dennis owns the Moon.

As The New York Times explains, Dennis claims to have filed a declaration of ownership with the United Nations. It's all legal, guys! You see, the Outer Space Treaty of 1967 reads:

No nation by appropriation shall have sovereignty or control over any of the satellite bodies.

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And our lawyer-cum-entrepreneur of a Moon landlord noticed that no where in them fancy legal words was there any mention of the individual, noting that "this is the loophole" that allowed him to follow his ethereal dreams. The New York Times sought the opinion of Ram Jakhu of the Institute of Air and Space Law at McGill University who offered up a resounding, "I don't see a loophole." Go get 'em tiger!

Interested in owning a piece of the future? Dennis currently sells around 200 Moon plots per day at a cool $20 a pop. Of course, don't forget to add in the $1.51 lunar tax and the $2.50 required to put a name on the document—standard fake moon buying procedure.

Still, this would all be fine—to each his own or whatever—but as Dennis notes, there are over FIVE MILLION PEOPLE in 151 countries that have said to themselves, "You know, I want to pay money for a meaningless piece of paper making ludicrous claims. You own the moon, you say? Great, let's talk timeshare."

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But words really can't do this man justice. Watch the video for yourselves; you'll even get to learn from The Dear Overlord himself all about our future Moon empire—our pyramid-based Moon empire, no less. You can also read the full New York Times piece on Ramses reincarnate here. [The New York Times]