29 bucks. That's what Apple wants you to spend in a plastic case that will make your new plastic iPhone 5C look like a game of Connect Four. Today, Apple has turned the iPhone case market into a pathetic parody of itself.

Not that it wasn't already a pathetic parody, mind you. It was. A sad joke. A way to milk fanbeciles out of their hard earned money with expensive pieces of molded plastic. Because, while I can understand people wanting to protect their all-glass iPhone 4 and iPhone 4S with a case, I just would never, in a fucking million years ever, be able to understand why would anyone want a fucking plastic case for a the metal iPhone 5unless that was a case that covered the screen. It's as stupid and garish as your old aunt's plastic-wrapped sofa.

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With the iPhone 5C, the level of imbecility has reached new heights. Why the hell would you need a case for your plastic iPhone 5C that actually looks like a generic Chinese plastic color case in the first place?

Because, if you think about it, that's what Apple is trying to sell you: a last-year iPhone 5 encapsulated in a plastic case encapsulated in a plastic color case with holes. What's next? A plastic iPhone 6C that is encapsulated in a plastic case that is encapsulated in another case like a goddamn Matryoshka?

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Seriously, if you get a plastic case for your plastic iPhone I hope you die and burn in hell with the rest of the idiots.