The American home is replete with all manner of overpriced baubles and trinkets. But is your idlic suburban ranch house truly complete with an $85 rock in a bespoke leather pouch? Nordstrom thinks not.

“Medium Leather Wrapped Stone,” as it’s referred to on the Nordstrom store, is made by artist Peter Maxwell out of “smooth Los Angeles-area stone”—a city I had previously not associated with quarries. The 115-year-old retail chain seems, like you, not to know what exactly it is they’re selling. Medium Leather Wrapped Stone’s product description begins with a series of questions, almost as though it’s talking you out of buying one. “A paperweight? A conversation piece? A work of art?” it probes before ultimately concluding that the function and purpose of a rock in a bag is “up to you.”

$85 is a lot to pay for a total mystery. Thankfully, a smaller version exists for the reduced price of $65. Rocks come in sizes!

Far better than a stone in a sock made of animal skin is the comments made by customers on the product’s page. “Have to say that this is truly a beautiful product, but I had to send it back because there aren’t any doggone instructions. I don’t even know how to turn the flippin thing on,” FredDringus wrote, giving Medium Leather Wrapped Stone a meager three stars. “It’s a little pricey,” PatIsInnocent wrote to describe his transcendent purchase, “but the sales lady told me the rock was made by hand. That’s got to be difficult.”

Tell me about it PatIsInnocent. Maybe someday I too will be able to afford nice things.

[Racked]