On last night’s episode of The X-Files, Mulder proved himself to be basically as adept with a smartphone as any old man. Worse, possibly, than most. Here are some lessons you can take from Mulder’s abject failure.

The burst mode can really annoy your partner:

Why not consider filming instead of taking a shot every second?

Don’t run with your phone, you’ll look like a moron:

Be aware of your surroundings so you don’t accidentally scare and/or blind the person you are working with:

Definitely don’t become so distracted you miss the monster about to jump on you:

Chasing someone into a toilet while filming them is definitely a bad scene and makes you something of a creep:

And finally, definitely don’t leave the phone in selfie mode when trying to capture proof of a monster’s existence. Otherwise:

Don’t let this be you:

Contact the author at katharine@io9.com.