The Shiniest Stories On io9 Last Week

Illustration for article titled The Shiniest Stories On io9 Last Week

Too busy playing Large Hadron Collider drinking game all week? Don't worry, we've compiled a list of the best stories of the week, just for you.10 Suckiest Video Games People Play In Science Fiction Science fiction is all about advancing into a shinier future - so why are people always playing such crufty video games in scifi shows and movies? In the distant future, will we really be stuck playing bad 8-bit knockoffs, or trying to get a frisbee into a tentacle mouth over and over? Here's our list of the most embarrassing games people in scifi play. Stephen Colbert's DNA To Be Sent Into Space, Become Self-Aware For those who can't imagine a universe without Stephen Colbert, there's good news. The satirist's DNA is going to be preserved for future generations, and perhaps future civilizations. Video game designer and soon-to-be space tourist Richard Garriott is adding Colbert's genetic code to the Immortality Drive, the digital time capsule Garriott plans to take to the International Space Station to serve as an "offsite backup" for the human race. And should an alien civilization happen upon the archive and decide to clone those inside, Lord British has lined up a few other humans to keep Colbert company. Frank Miller Gives Batgirl Too Dirty A Mouth For DC Comics Earlier this week, comic retailers were notified that all copies of All Star Batman And Robin that they receive in this week's shipments were to be destroyed instead of placed on sale. No futher explanation was forthcoming - until someone got a hold of a copy, and discovered that a problem with self-censorship had accidentally created a comic too dirty to be sold. But just how dirty can a Batman comic be? Anyone Who Thinks the LHC Will Destroy the World is a T*** Particle physics professor Brian Cox of the University of Manchester has pretty much the final word on Large Hadron Collider fear-mongering with the above quote. What prompted such an outburst? Death threats against scientists working on the LHC. Perhaps an even better question - what does "t***" stand for? That's Ms. Tron If You're Nasty Janet Jackson came out workin' the Tron unitard hard at the launch of the "Rock Witchu" tour last night in Vancouver. She and the Tron Guy are like a match made in light-cycle heaven. She's trying for a futuristic space-opera look, but did she pull it off? Check out our full gallery of the 42-year-old queen of the Rhythm Nation shakin' across the stage, and decide for yourself. Sarah Connor Rocks Your Head! We've seen tonight's season premiere of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and it's one of the strongest episodes of the show so far. It's full of explosions, Biblical references, weird messed-up moments, and Summer Glau and Shirley Manson doubling your psychotic fun. And the episode's last moment (which we won't reveal) is one of the funniest, freakiest events in Terminator history. Very minor spoilers ahead. The Best Skin Melting Scenes From Scifi Chances are that on Tuesday night, you settled onto your sofa and wondered, as you flipped on the television, just how J.J. Abrams would kick off his new series Fringe. Then, before you even made it to the opening credits, you watched a planeload of people dissolve into lumps of goo. It was bizarre, distressing, and may well have been the high point of the episode. In case Fringe failed to sate your appetite for disappearing flesh, we have plenty of gruesomely awesome skin-melting scenes to hold you until next week. What Will Happen When the LHC Turns On? 10 Scifi Stories Have the Answer Today the mad physicists over at Swiss lab CERN will turn on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) and begin the physics experiments that might end the world. While some fringe scientists worry that the LHC will destroy the fabric of spacetime, the rest of us armchair physicists are on the edge of our seats waiting to see what the giant underground magnet will tell us about, well, the universe. Lucky for us, science fiction has already come up with an answer. We've come up with ten crazy scifi tales where physics experiments destroy the world. "Karl Lagerfeld Is Not Actually A Ninja": The Future Of Magazines Print magazines are becoming more luxurious on their way to obsolescence, says former Condé Nast editorial director James Truman. Speaking at the "Quickie" performance evening in San Francisco, Truman talked about why he left Condé Nast and what he's learned about the future of print publishing. Hint: It has to do with horses, star-gazing and Burning Man. Fringe's ARG Upsets Nature, Messes With Your Mind Despite what you may think, Fringe isn't just some silly little J.J. Abrams show on Fox about a Scooby Gang trying to uncover the secret behind a haunted alien spaceship. Not only do we have to deal with mind-bending scientific explanations for creepy out-of-this-world happenings in the show itself, but there is also an intricate Fringe ARG ready to mind wipe the sense right out of you. Case in point: On one Fringe viral site, the third dot on a sequence of a hidden braille pattern (which spells out the name of a town in Iowa) directs you to a site with videos of man-made tornadoes. Makes perfect sense, right? I journeyed down the rabbit hold of the Fringe ARG and attempted to "find the pattern and follow the clues." Be warned; some spoilers ahead. Tokyo Zombie: Zombies, Cage Fights, Oral Sex, and Martial Arts What if zombies took over Tokyo? How would a slow zombie fare in a cage fight against a martial arts expert? Has a zombie ever offered you a blowjob? These questions and more are answered in a funny, slightly X-rated Japanese comic book and movie called Tokyo Zombie. Created by Japanese cult manga master Yusaku Hanakuma, the tale gives us a glimpse into an unimaginably bizarre apocalypse. You'd think a series with such an off-the-wall plot would be cheesy or campy or both. But actually, Hanakuma is a skilled Gary Panter-meets-George Romero-meets-Ayn Rand social commentator who is about to bring a whole new genre of manga stateside. The English translation of the manga was published earlier this month, and the subtitled movie is slated for release in November. Here's a quick preview (and maybe some spoilers).