If you can’t destroy your opponents with sarcasm or a deftly-executed line of code, you can at least stun them with a million volts of electricity from your cell phone, or stab them with the pen in your pocket. That’s what these actual, real-life products from True Swords promise.

Here are the product details on the cell phone stun gun, from the True Swords site:

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Ideal for open carry, the “hidden in plain sight” design lets you keep this device ready in hand while walking in high risk areas.

This cell phone-looking stun gun delivers 1,000,000 volts of lightning protection at the push of a button. Includes safety button, extra-bright LED flashlight, and case with belt clip. Requires three CR2 batteries (included)

And hey — it’s only $22! You don’t even need to buy a special two-year plan to make that happen, either. You’ll be shooting electricity into your mortal enemies in no time, and for very little cost. I just wish they had an iPhone model.

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But my favorite item on the whole True Swords site has to be the “self defense tactical pen,” because every nerd like me needs a pen defense, if the phone defense fails.

And here are the amazing product details:

These high-impact pens are made of precision-machined 6061 aluminum and hard anodized to withstand scratches. The cap-less design allows the pen to always be ready as a kubaton defense tool.

The flutes and grooves on the pen provide a secure grip even under combat situations while the high-pressure clip ensures this pen will remain where you clip it under any circumstances. To write with the pen, just twist the bottom clockwise and the ball point pen emerges.

Basically, it’s for stabbing, OK? Use it to stab piles of paper, or your adversaries. And it writes, too! So once you’ve stabbed somebody you can write about it in blood on a piece of parchment.

Find these amazing discreet devices and more at True Swords.


Contact the author at annalee@gizmodo.com.
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