Tonight’s Republican primary debate is on the Fox Business Channel. But if you don’t get Fox Business, don’t worry. You can still witness the ongoing slow motion trainwreck that is our democratic process without a cable subscription.
The first Republican primary debate back in August was on Fox, and despite the fact that it was co-sponsored by Facebook, there was no way to watch it without a cable subscription. Some people were even resorting to watching blurry feeds on Periscope. But all of the networks that are airing debates have since been appropriately shamed into providing online options.
For all our cordcutter friends out there, you can catch tonight’s debate, hosted in South Carolina, over at FoxBusiness.com. You don’t even need to call up Aunt Judy for her cable subscriber login credentials.
The kids’ table debate starts at 6pm Eastern/3pm Pacific/1am Benghazi time. That debate will feature underdogs Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee, and Rick Santorum. Rand Paul was invited but he decided that he wasn’t going to eat his carrots if Mom and Dad wouldn’t let him sit next to uncle Rick to hear his funny stories about all the people that are going to H-E-double-hockey-sticks for looking at butts on the internet.
The main event starts at 9pm Eastern/6pm Pacific/5:30am Tehran time and has been whittled down to just (just?) seven candidates: Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Jeb Bush, and John Kasich.
If you can’t watch the debate, make sure you check out this short video from a Trump rally in Pensacola, Florida yesterday. They call themselves the USA Freedom Kids, and their song pretty much hits on all the talking points you’ll hear at the debate tonight.
If you are able to catch the debate, enjoy the show and may God have mercy on what’s left of our souls.
[Correction: A previous version of this post referred to the USA Freedom Kids as merely the Freedom Kids. Gizmodo regrets the error.]
AP Photo of a Donald Trump sign in West Des Moines by Jae C. Hong