Remember that time columnist Maureen Dowd went to Colorado, holed up in her hotel room, ate some pot candy, and freaked out because she ate way too much? And remember how everybody was making fun of her? Well, I identified with that story a little too much. I know those feels, Maureen.
Except in my case, it was an apartment in St. Paul in the middle of a bitterly cold Minnesota winter; a log of frozen gourmet pot cookies; and me just sitting by myself in awe/terror of Apocalypse Now Redux for 3 hours and 15 minutes.
Much like Maureen, I had no prior experience with pot edibles. A friend of mine had given me a roll of pot cookie dough that had been just sitting in his freezer for like a year. Apparently he'd been at a party where some locally-known Twin Cities chef had given out logs of weed-laced cookie dough as parting gifts. He didn't want it, so he gave it to me — the local degenerate.
I cut up the log and baked the entire tray while I cued up Apocalypse Now Redux (the extended 2001 cut of the 1979 film) on DVD — a movie I'd seen maybe two or three times already in its original cut.
My friend had even warned me that edibles could take a while to hit. But after eating a single cookie, waiting impatiently for a few minutes and feeling nothing, I just started eating the cookies like... well, like candy.
But then it hit. And oh boy did it hit. This, mind you, did nothing to stop me from continuing to eat all the damn cookies. I am an idiot.
By the time I had finished the entire tray of maybe twelve cookies I was absolutely gone mentally, totally paranoid, and yet completely transfixed by the movie in front of me.
I barely remember anything from the film. I just remember that as I was watching, I firmly believed it was the most profound movie I'd ever seen. Also: the most terrifying. Recounting the story later to a friend, he mentioned that it very well could be one of the most profound, even if you're sober. I don't really agree with that, but it's a great movie nonetheless.
You can watch Apocalypse Now Redux on Netflix streaming. As for the freezer full of pot cookies, you'll have to find your own.
Image: Screenshot of the opening shot from Apocalypse Now Redux (1979/2001)