Bedtime Stories Seem Darker with the Darth Vader Bedside LightS

Are you sitting comfortably? Then let me breathe heavily. Schooooooooooooo. Once upon a time, there was a Jedi Knight called Anakin Skywalker, who went in search of the Dark Side. Schooooooooooooo.

If this lamp had been available to light up those long, lonely evenings, and throw patterns on his matching Darth Vader bed linen, Schooooooooooooo, then maybe he'd have been so scared at night that he wouldn't have crossed over. Schooooooooooooo. Maybe he'd have become Celine Dion's marimba player, or a dancer at the Folies Bergere, Schooooooooooooo, maybe he'd be working his ass off as a Giz intern, so we could send him out on coffee runs and force him to do the housework when we're too busy. Schooooooooooooo. I think he'd have become a furniture designer if he'd had one of these $40 buck lamps in his room.

My throat hurts. [Collectors Gallery via GeekAlerts]