Advertisers are our hermaphroditic gastropod lovers, entwined as we are in a milky embrace. If you'd like to twist external organs with us (especially the wallet), come out of your shell.

• Voom: "The Most HDTV Anywhere"

• Broadvoice: "The Broadband Revolution"

• Monster: "When will you make a million?"

• SpySweeper: "The most effective standalone tool for detecting, removing and blocking spyware"