Gizmodo
After Darth Vader kicked a Jedi Master's ass with the Dark Side of the Crutch, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant against the Lord of the Sith. After dictating it, he added: "I hope the force will soon be with him" (really—God save the Judge, Queen, and English humor.) Vader arrived later, pleading guilty to assault. During the trial, however, the court found that the events weren't exactly as we were initially told: the Jedis were actually even more moronic than previously imagined.
To start with, dork n mero uno—hairdresser Barney Jones—wasn't being interviewed for a documentary on the first Jedi Church of England. He was filming himself, "fighting" with "lightsabers" in the garden, probably while being watched by Yoda, Mace Windu, Obi Wan, and the rest of their imaginary pals, who actually were the only ones with actual girlfriends in the backyard at the time.
Vader, whose real name is not Anakin Skywalker but Arwel Wynne Hughes, pleaded guilty, saying in his defense that he had a "chronic alcohol problem" and he didn't remember anything at all. According to the two Joneses, however, Hughes jumped in the gardent shouting "DARTH VADER," wielding a metal crutch, wearing a helmet, a black bin bag, a cape, and with a lot of wine in his stomach. Laughing—presumably hysterically, like anyone would do after consuming "the best part of a 10-litre box of wine"—he proceeded to bang Barney Jones on the head, before smacking the thigh of family nerd cousin, Michael Jones.
With almost a box of wine in his body, Vader didn't remember a single thing, but his defense attorney said alcohol was "ruining his life." On the other side, the prosecution added that the two cousins "believe very strongly in the church and their religion."
We can only hope the judge will set Vader free and put those two in jail. [BBC News]
NEVER GETS OLD. I say.
Comments
"Mr. Vader, this court demands that you release the jury foreperson from your psychic death grip. Bailiff, please remove the defende....gah...aaarrghhhhhgrug!"
ROTFLMFAOCOPTER
I support any excuse to use that video.
Strong The Force is with that one - but but hold his liquor he cannot.
damn i really wanted to see a video of this. i was sure it would show up sooner or later (when i thought it was being taped for a documentary).
oh well, just goes to show you, if you are going to live by the lightsaber, you should be trained in its use, or you may die by it (or any other plastic tube shaped object).
pip pip chin up and all that sodding rot.
No, jesus, it never does. :)
LOL, that made my day.
Hey, it's me again!!! As in, the photo of Vader is of me from my blog.
[www.danzfamily.com]
[www.danzfamily.com]
If your name is Arwel Wynne, you're allowed one Get Out Of Jail Free card... mercy rule.
"Force Lightning! Force Lightning! Force Lightning!"
Silly LARPers.
The Death Star Canteen video is hilarious
@DWD: Gizmodo loves you and thanks for your continued support to allow easily photoshoppable pictures.
Fuck the what!?!?!?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA, do these people script these incidents?
Triumph here -
And which one of these buttons calls your mother to come pick you up?
@P3nnst8r: I'm just here to help.
All I could think of while reading this was the Robot Chicken skit when Ted Turner dresses up as Cpt Planet and kicks people in their nuts. CAPTAIN PLAAANET!!
OMG I love Eddie Izzard!
The Judge "ha!, I'm a Toydarian, Jedi mind tricks don't work on me!"
Jason for fuck sake NOOOO....
I,m already booked in for The Death Star video aversion therapy.
judge... name please
D. Vader...this is not a game of who the fuck are you
"Hmm... I sense much beer in you..."
To start with, dork número uno-hairdresser Barney Jones-wasn't being interviewed for a documentary on the first Jedi Church of England. He was filming himself, "fighting" with "lightsabers" in the garden, probably while being watched by Yoda, Mace Windu, Obi Wan, and the rest of their imaginary pals, the only ones with actual girlfriends in the backyard at the time.
They have girlfriends?......Theres hope for me yet
Too bad no one was around to tell him that they, "have a really bad feeling about this."
Sentencing will be held on May the 4th.
@fastmike: The imaginary pals have girlfriends.
Arwel Wynne Hughes? The Wine is strong in that one. I wonder if that substitution would work for the rest of the movie? "Feel the Wine, Luke!".
"Darth Vader: He is here.
Governor Tarkin: Obi-Wan Kenobi? What makes you think so?
Darth Vader: A tremor in the Wine. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master.
Governor Tarkin: Surely he must be dead by now.
Darth Vader: Don't underestimate the Wine.
Governor Tarkin: The Jedi are extinct, their fire has gone out of the universe. You, my friend, are all that's left of their religion.
[answering a comm signal]
Governor Tarkin: Yes?
Voice over comm: We have an emergency alert in detention block AA-23.
Governor Tarkin: The Princess? Put all sections on alert.
Darth Vader: Obi-wan *is* here. The Wine is with him."
@Mandatory_Field:
LMFAO ...... Kudos to you
NEVER EVER GETS OLD!
I say that man did a service for queen and country. Why are you charging him with assault? He beat the shit out of someone who was being a dillhole.
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