Everyone knows a Quagmire or a Masuka that enjoys their gadgets as much as they enjoy themselves—or rather, they enjoy using their gadgets TO enjoy themselves. This is for them, or for you, if you're buying under an alias.
Those of you who hate the gallery format can see it all on one page by clicking here. Oh, and basically everything in this post is NSFW.
The Fleshlight: There are many flavors to the Fleshlight—you can now even custom design it to your specifications—but the base idea remains constant through all of them. It's a plastic flashlight you place your junk into. The sensation is halfway between your hand and a real person, which explains its popularity despite the extra preparation and cleanup. Your giftee will thank you for the experience, but curse you for the added work. $50-$90, depending on the type of Fleshlight and type of hole. [Review]
Form 2: For the ladies, you have the Form 2 from Jimmy Jane. It's a palm-sized vibrator that Fleshbot claims is basically the best vibrator around. The semi-discrete bunny-shaped body means it's up to your female (or male) loved one to figure out how they want to use it. $135. [JimmyJane]
FyreTV: The first set-top-box, all-in-one digital streaming solution to get porn from the internets onto a big-ass living room HDTV. It's not free, but the amount of variety included beats having to haul over to the adult video store every time your friend needs a new title for his DVD player. $10 a month, plus more for more credits. [FyreTV; Review]
Real Touch: It's like a Fleshlight that knows exactly what porn you're watching, and moves exactly as the person onscreen does. Fleshbot's review says it's pretty darn good, but due to technical problems with Windows 7—damn you Microsoft!!!—we haven't been able to test it out ourselves. We can say that it's like putting a football-sized piece of plastic up to your groin, but since it doesn't work yet, we can't say much else. Oh, and there's no Mac support. So make sure your recipient doesn't have a Mac (or knows how to use boot camp). $200, plus more for more minutes. [Real Touch; Fleshbot Review]
The OhMiBod: Yeah, it's the vibrator that works in sync with an iPod. This is the closest a person's going to get to actually making love with an Apple device without sticking it inside themselves. Plus, they get to hear their own music while they pleasure themselves. So, double bonus for that Apple fan on your gift list. $130. [Babeland; Review]
Mini DisplayPort to HDMI Adapter: And what if a person wants to get their porn onto their TV while still taking advantage of all the free adult content out there? Easy: just hook up a Mac to a TV with an adapter. It's easily cheaper than paying over and over for so-called premium content, seeing as any local BitTorrent site has lots of porn for your friend to slurp down. $70 [Kanex; Review]
Real Doll: It's old, in internet years, but no company has quite managed to get their product to a stage to rival the Real Doll. Yeah, it's a full body simulation of a woman, and it costs so much that it's unlikely that you're going to buy this for anyone but yourself. And even then, it's super unlikely, thanks to the price. But it is the closest you're going to get to being intimate with a robot in the next 10 years. $6000 [Real Doll]
Any iPhone porn app: Do you hate the person you're giving this to? Are you trying to drum up business for local optometrists? There are plenty of better, and LARGER, porn opportunities than trying to squint at something on an iPhone. Not to mention that these apps are all super crappy anyway. [iPhone NSFW]
All Giz Wants is our annual round-up of favorite gift ideas, including amazing attainable objects and a few far-out fantasies. We'll be popping guides catered to different interests several times per day for the next week, so keep checking back.