The One Where I Turn a Stolen $100,000 Apple Prototype Into a Crime Scene

Detective's Notebook, January 24: It's raining. Again. Always raining. Hard. Thunder, lightning. Sounds angry. The bald guy in the black turtleneck's angrier though. Can't blame him. This company loves its secrets, and $100,000 worth just left out the back.

$100,000 worth of super secret Apple laptop prototype, to be precise. Lifted, sold, sold again—probably well on its way to that Blam kid's desk at Gawker HQ by now for all I know.

I told my boys to round up the usual suspects. Not that I'd expect that crew to be behind this roughshod smash and grab. Ballmer, Schmidt, The Woz...none of those lunks would be this brazen and stupid. Those fellas would infiltrate. Be all quick and sly. Patient. Sit on the board for a while and take secrets out in their heads, not their hands. Like Schmidt.

Nah, the lineup is just a show. Anything I can do to get the turtleneck off my back. Guy says he's all about zen and peace and OM OM OM, but those eyes say otherwise. There's murder there, burning with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. Whoever took that prototype's a damn fool. Like Han said, no reward's worth this. At least he had Leia. Time to scram.

Editor's note: The prototype theft report was a dubious user-generated one floated by a community site named Zirana, posted this week. It has not been confirmed by area deputies or Apple, hence the bit of fun I'm having with it today, like I did with that old transforming couch in November. So, relax. [Zirana via TUAW]