Why the F*ck Is the 1 On the iPhone's Calendar Off Center?

This is freaking me out today. You see, I hardly look at my calendar date on the iPhone. But today I did. I looked at that pixel-perfect, beautiful Retina screen and this problem got instantly into my eye, like a white hot scalpel pinching through my retina until it reached the back of my skull.

See what I mean? Can you see IT? The 1 is off center. Instead of being optically centered, it's geometrically centered. So it just looks wrong. Really, what happened there, Steve? Where did all that love for typography and attention to detail go? Out the fucking window of your silver Merc, that's where.

Perhaps this is some kind of cruel April Fools joke from Cupertino. Maybe they are all at the office, hahahing at their clever joke. OK. I don't find it fucking funny, but I understand your desire to torture your users.

But what about if it's not? What about if May 1st comes and the 1 goes off center again. What will it happen then? Would they issue an iPhone recall? Would they fix this in iPhone 5? Would Steve send emails saying that we are looking at the screen in the wrong way? Would he argue that all phones have the 1 incorrectly centered? Would Apple give us transparent vinyl overlays with a correctly aligned 1 to place over the iPhone every first day of the month? Can this really be fixed in a future software patch? Would Apple's spokesperson John Gruber say that Android's number 1 sucks so much that it actually looks like a 2?

Seriously, I'm not even bloody joking here. This 1 center alignment is the biggest bollocking to come out of Cupertino since they released their veggie burger mouse.

Fuck this. I keep looking at it and it's driving me bonkers. I'm turning the iPhone off today.