Coffee tables. I'm going to SMASH your coffee table. It deserves to be smashed—it's pitiful. It sits there, reflecting light, collecting dust, insulting me with its presence. Why? Why? Your coffee table is not a gigantic bicycle chain.
Beware—should you get this Olympian magazine podium, the Flexible Elos—its very name sounds like something from Jupiter's lips—you better have some damn worthy texts to put on top. Like the Rosetta Stone. Or an original (signed) copy of The Iliad. This coffee table is not only enormous, but flexible. Wrap it around your body. Make it into a zig-zag. Make a large phallic symbol with it. Use it in a presentation on Freud. Twist it. Twist it, because you're twisted. You and your twisted mind, and your massive, unique coffee table. Now who wants some god damn coffee. [DesignSpotter via OhGizmo!]