The Republican Party Has a Reagan Hologram But Is Scared It Would Upstage RomneyS

After decades of yearning, the GOP has successfully completed one of its dreams: reanimating the spirit of famed American actor Ronald Reagan. The hologram weapon is ready. And it was supposed to appear tonight—then it terrified its makers.

Yahoo reports the hologram presence was originally planned for this week's Republican National Convention, but because it would cause the entire party to literally break down screaming and clawing at their genitals, it was scrapped—the attention is supposed to be on Romney, not a hologram. The Holo-Prez, which was going to deliver a speech on small business ownership, was created by the same firm that made the not-really-a-hologram-to-be-completely-accurate hologram Tupac, which was worried about its creation being used for political purposes: Yahoo says they didn't want the doomsday hologram "to be used for partisan purposes," which is the only possible use for a hologram version of Ronald Reagan. Now you'll have to wait until "later this year or early 2013." Fingers crossed for Coachella?

The Dems need to start coming up with a counter to this, immediately, or this election is over. [Yahoo]