You hate Halloween. Now you have to go to a party, and you don't have the guts to not dress up. You're screwed, but don't worry, not so screwed that you can't make a good showing.
First of all, just accept mediocrity. It's the thought that counts right? I'm sure you've got a charming personality and a great sense of humor so as long as you show up, no one's going to care. Plus if you really cared, you would've gotten off your ass weeks ago. Sorry bub. The mall is all sold out of tiaras. Lucky for you we've got costumes you can make out of stuff you've got lying around the house.
The analog ninja will not tolerate your lack of media fidelity! Compression? I will compress your head! So how do you do it? Grab your useless VHS collection and rip out the tape spools. Wrap yourself super tight in the tape. Duck behind couches and fling cassette tapes and 7-inch vinyl records at your friends. That'll teach 'em. [Flickr]
One thing you're sure to have lying around in plentiful quantities? Empties! Fashion yourself a grenade vest out of a belt, and stick the cans to it with duct tape. Spend the whole night ripping them off your chest throwing them on to the dance floor, diving behind the couch yelling "frag out!" See, we knew you were charming. Extra credit for using full beers. [Flickr]
Halloween isn't about buying a sweet costume—it's about inspiring the imagination of others and exposing their inner demons. And you can help. Take a single roll of aluminum foil and without breaking it, cover yourself completely. When friends come up and ask you what your costume is, just respond, "What do you see?" Nod knowingly as your friends reveal the deepest buried secrets in their souls. A robot? A street light? A lighter? Verrrrrry interesting. [Flickr]
You see this gag in old movies. Someone gets wasted and dances around with a lampshade on their head. Which, okay, but not one person in the history of alcohol or humanity has done this. Which is why when you do, it'll be an astute commentary on outmoded social clichés. Also: an excuse to get totally plastered. Also also: NO EYE HOLES! [Flickr]
This one is easy. Tie an ethernet cable noose and hang it around your neck. Yup, that's it. If anyone asks, just say, "The idiots at my work have such stupid computer problems. It's killing me." [Flickr]
You're screwed. Just grab your Ray-Bans, and go out with your kids or to a party with friends as planned. Tell people you didn't get dressed up this year. When they start to snivel about the spirit of Halloween, cut them off with a glare and flip down your shades. Deal with it.
Just strap a laptop to yourself. We do this all the time. Easier than it looks. [Jacqui Cheng]
Lead image via [Shutterstock].