Gizmodo Frankenreview: Sony Laptop Battery Recalls

Who would have thought a series of boring laptop battery recalls could explode into such mass hysteria? Flaming tempers are running rampant at Sony executives. Though they've traditionally made some hot electronics, it hasn't paid off in their battery recalls - now totaling well over 7 million units. Dell, Apple, Toshiba, IBM/Lenovo, Fujitsu and Hitachi are all taking heat from their guilt by assonyiation. Check out our warm apple pie graph, and then hit the jump for a very special frankenreview (hint: we actually got him into a speedo).

"This is an exclusive club that decided to use Sony batteries in their laptops which inadvertently causes big ba-da booms."

Gizmodo Frankenreview: Sony Laptop Battery Recalls

"Combined, the companies have recalled more than 7.9 million batteries."

"Dell has so far received six reports of overheating units that caused property damage, but no injuries."

"The odds on my balls catching fire from my laptop exploding? Very low, and I'm just willing to risk the lives of my unborn children so I can have zero-gap internet usage."

Gizmodo Frankenreview: Sony Laptop Battery Recalls

- Maybe the companies could send the new (non-weiner-roasting) batteries first.

"Dell had only six incidents over [22] million...units, [an analyst] said, but it's 'a dangerous situation'."

"Let's assume that over the next three years, a full 60 notebooks will explode if left with at-risk batteries. Doing the math: That's a 1 in 210,000 chance per year of a recalled battery exploding. Over the next two months, should you decide to wait a bit to replace your battery: The odds are 1 in 1,260,000."

"Odds of being struck by lightning (though not necessarily dying) in a given year: 1 in 400,000."

"We are supporting Dell's recall," [Sony] said. "There will be financial assistance and we are sharing engineering data and both doing further research." He declined to specify exactly how much assistance Sony would provide."

- We are guessing quite a bit, and it's more than just "emotional support".

"[for Toshiba] failures from the...affected units will not result in a fiery death for the laptop. They would simply fail to charge and store power."

- Fail to charge, and then burn the user's legs off.

"So we're waiting for a flight in the United lounge at LAX, ...when suddenly this guy comes running the wrong way up the jetway, pushing other boarding passengers out of the way, he quickly drops his laptop [IBM] on the floor and the thing immediately flares up like a giant firework...I don't remember seeing any IBM laptops nuke themselves yet on Gizmodo, just Macbooks and Dells with Sony batteries, but it was a close call nonetheless."

Gizmodo Frankenreview: Sony Laptop Battery Recalls

"Hybrid cars and power tools, however, generally use more traditional batteries, in part because of the risk of explosion."

- Though, even that is changing.

Sources
CNET Asia
Reuters
Japan Today
Something Awful
TechYahoo
Images: Getty and Morguefile