Two weeks ago, I went down to the San Francisco auditions for American Inventors with Sarah Meyers of team partycrash fame, where we were not so warmly greeted by the staff there. I understand that...kind of. They want to save all the inventions for the show, and anyhow, the American Inventor contract stated that anyone who signed up for the show gave up many rights to their inventions, and any disparaging talk of ABC or the show would make the inventor liable for damages of $5,000,000. Not many folks were interested in telling us about their toys, although a few did, like the man with the home toilet seat (?) and the guy with the bucket that had a power cord inside for construction workers.

That's ok. That's because some of the best inventions there were by homeless guys and crackheads in the urine stained alley where the audition line ran through. There were plenty of them there, since American Inventors holds their auditions on the border of San Francisco's Tenderloin district, known for its...colorful citizens. Can you tell who's homeless, and who's a real inventor?

The best, however, was this "inventor" who had not only a dream of a crystal guitar that would "resonate wildly", but an entire American Inventor Hobo Song, which he sang for us: