On a slow news day, one company can always be relied on to bring out something so unutterably useless that I fall to my knees and give thanks to James T. Kirk and all the angels: Brando. Their phone strap-slash-stylus-slash-lightsaber-for people-of-extremely-restricted-growth costs five bucks and would redefine the word pointless if it didn't actually have a retractable point. Still, I can think of one person who might find it handy when he's on a post-coital cleanup. [Brando]