Gizmodo
Oof, my head. The trouble with being a weekend warrior is the day after. This morning I have a troupe of miniature MC Hammers inside my head, stomping in perfect time to the pile-driver thump, and chanting: "STOP! Hangover time!" Kingsley Amis best put the feeling into words in his novel Lucky Jim. "His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum." Oral hygiene aside, my brain has shrunk to the size of a frozen pea, and I can feel it rattling around inside my head like *ponders myopically* God, I don't know what. I'm HUNGOVER for God's sake. Is there a gadget that can help me? Or am I going to have to build one myself?
So, consider if you will, my preeeties, the current options I have open to me.
• A canister of pure oxygen. Well, shoot, I didn't make it to our local oxygen shop before I crawled into bed this morning.
• A gadget that "staves off" wine headaches. That's a bit disingenuous, because it doesn't cure your hangover, it just reads the chemicals in the wine inside your glass and tells you if you shouldn't drink it.
• A chilled hangover mask that's so cold I think my eyes need a de-icer.
Some people might have popped a bunch of RU21 pills before they went out. The drug was developed by the KGB so that their spies could drink all they could and stay sober while they loosened up their contacts with a vodka or seven. It sounds a bit creepy—and as for the name. "Are you 21?" Nope, that's why I get hangovers. So no storebought gear, no creepy Soviet pharmaceuticals. I think I'm gonna have to invent a hangover buster of my own.
If I were good with my hands, I'd pull an A-Team on you all and build a flotation tank complete with butler 'bot using a saucepan, plastic guttering, the drum from the washing machine and a lawnmower. But I'm not—and I HAVE A HANGOVER. So I'm just going to have to imagine my way out of it. As a nipper, my point of reference was illustrator W. Heath Robinson, the British equivalent to Rube Goldberg. So, let me channel my inner Rube.
Balanced on top of the sofa at the end of our bed is a cushion. I reach out a toe and push it onto the seat, which dislodges a tennis ball. The ball rolls down a ramp, bounces once on a mini trampoline, ricochets against the bedroom door and boings its way down the corridor. It hits a plank of wood which has been propping up the strut on a home-made trebuchet. With a flick of the knicker elastic I used to secure it, the spoon of the trebuchet catapults a dart with a homing device on it. The dart buzzes into the kitchen, veering towards the electric kettle, and lands smack in the center of the kettle's On button (where I will have placed a homing beacon). As the kettle boils, shaking violently with the hot, hot heat bubbling away (I hacked it, okay?) a one-directional pulley yanks farther and farther, until a rope tied to the kettle's handle tips it towards a Velcro-covered mug containing a squeeze of lime juice. You still with me?
The mug, now three-quarters full of hot water and lime juice, is sitting on a USB beverage heater (why, thank you, Thanko) modified with wheels, and a rocket firework. The firework's fuse is fired up with my prototype RC piezoelectric lighter, controlled via a handheld unit dangling conveniently above my bed. The firework fizzes away and shoots the USB heater (mug and all) towards the edge of the counter, where it scoots onto a wire cradle, suspended from the ceiling on wires that slope gently downwards—think "ski lift," only small and in my apartment. The cradle trundles slowly downward, turning the corner back into the corridor, until it comes to rest just outside the bedroom door.
So how does it get from the bedroom door into my clammy palms? Well, this is the bit that I'm having trouble figuring out. At the moment, I've got a monkey, dressed in Evel Knievel leathers with Velcro stripes down the arms and a helmet, riding a tricycle down the corridor at full tilt. Monkey draws level with the mug—which you'll recall is covered with Velcro. Velcro meets Velcro, it's love at first feel, and the mug hitches a ride on the leather sleeve. The monkey trundles up the ramp that the tennis ball rolled down not five minutes earlier, stands on the sofa, takes off his helmet, smiles and passes me the mug. But here's where the system breaks down: the sodding monkey drinks the brew down in one, burps, tosses the mug behind him and then just jumps up and down, pointing and laughing at me.
Anyone know how to hack a monkey?
Comments
Typing on a clacky keyboard can't be too good for hangover sufferers.
For me, the only hangover remedy I know (and which I swear by) is two aspirin washed down by 12 oz. of water the night before and dry burnt toast and green tea the morning after.
The aspirin is an analgesic. The water rehydrates. The burnt toast settles the stomach and the green tea warms you up as well as pekoe would but without the caffeine.
Were you intoxicated while writing this?
Bananas. Lots and lots of bananas.
Also, you might try Gatorade, or whatever other sports drinks you have in Electric Lay-dee Land (Spain). Hangovers are essentially caused by dehydration. And sports drinks solve that! Drink lots of them. That's what my friends always drink.
As to the RU-21 thing: there's a variant called "Chaser Plus" which may or may not be available in Europe. Trust me. It really works. I've never had a hangover in my life. I'm so lucky...
I wouldn't know. I'm one of those annoying people who never gets a hangover no matter how much I drink. The only bit of advise I can give you is to sleep clean through the day and therefore through your hangover ;)
Dugg for the Jim Dixon reference.
Oh wait. Is this digg?
not saying your hungover, and I know this is your job and all.
But you gotta be a real trooper to write an essay like that.
Only reason I don't drink, is because of the next day.
But to cure just have another drink, thats probably the last thing you want, but it will help you get through the day better.
@Jamaces:
Just keep drinking. That's great advice...
rehydrate. That's really the trick of it. And eat some protein.
...........................I remember up until the time the mariachi band started playing. Everything else is a blur of laptops and energy drink cans.
I never fight it... if my head says STAY IN BED... that's what I do.
Before drinking ANYTHING I take a shot of PEPTO with a couple of anti-acid tablets.
Listen to my stomach; if it says French toasts with sausage, then that's what I eat. If it says lets wait a few hours... then I wait.
Follow whatever I eat with aspirin and either warm coffee or an ice cold drink (ice-tea, milk, orange juice, whatever). The point is that what I finish off the breakfast with cannot be at room temp.
And that's how I handle a hangover... ofcourse I go and lay on the couch for the rest of the day.
You, Addy, like me, apparently do your best work while hung over. Some tips from many years of being "under the weather:"
1. As has been mentioned, hydration is important. Water before bed and upon waking (coming to) is helpful.
2. I have found a combination of aspirin and Tylenol to be much more effective than either alone. Again, before passing out, and after coming to.
3. If you need to motivate, caffeine is of the essence. If not, then avoid, and you might be able to get back to sleep.
4. Depending upon the severity of your affliction, food might be in order, as might be a little "hair of the dog," both in moderation of course. If the mere thought of either one makes you queasy, then you're not ready.
I hope this is useful information, as drinking is way too much fun to let little things like hang overs and liver damage get in the way.
The best cure is eat before you go to sleep. If you can't eat because you feel queezy you drank too much.Which means you are either inexperienced or you did it intentionally because your a dumb drunk.
Headache and disorientation are from what was mentioned before, dehydration.
Other cure is called "bee eh mein" and suck it up.
Although all of this advice is helpful, I'm sure. None of you are addressing Addy's question.
Monkeys are too unpredictable. Find yourself a Lemur. They can easily be trained to ride the little tricycle, and they don't like the taste of lime.
Wait, no "don't drink" posts?
Food and a lot of water before bed for me. A kick of vitamins is good, too.
@xint: Won't that aspirin in combination with the alcohol kill your liver...
@GadgetPlay: Tylenol plus any alcohol in 24 hours is a huge no-no if you love your liver.
You could always try marijuana...
Settles the stomach, makes you hungry and thirsty, makes you happy.
Does the Giz drug test?
hair o' the dog and a greasy spoon
the greasiest hamburger you can get your hands on will cure a hangover in no time!
Last night I drank too much. First time I ever did. Mr. Toilet was my best buddy for an hour, because any time I stood up I felt like I was going to hurl. This was after dinner with a beer and wine, and then another beer, then the equivalent of three rum and cokes, and finally a hard cider, over a period of 4 hours.
But this morning, I feel pretty good. I'm not 100%... I feel a little odd, like I'm on the verge of being dizzy, and my stomach isn't feeling exactly right being empty, but no headache, no dry mouth.
It seems I've never really had a proper hangover from drinking, and since I don't plan to ever drink that much again, I guess I never will. And I'm not asian either.
I won't tell you not to drink, but you know, once you grow up a little bit you're understand a little word known as "MODERATION" -- You don't have to drink yourself stupid. Honestly, I've never seen the appeal to becoming so wasted that you end up with a hangover.
Drink less, no hangover. It's really that simple.
The key to this, as with everything, is don't be a stupid asshole and overdo it.
You have a hangover? Good. I'm sure you earned it. Will you learn a lesson from the message your body is sending you? Probably not.
Nothing wrong with a little buzz, but if you need to be sloppy-drunk to have a good time, then you're kind of a ignorant moron and deserve to feel like shit the next day.
Your body knows what you need. If you choose to ignore that, then there's no cure-all we can offer you. People have been getting drunk for thousands of years, and nobody has found a way to "cure" a hangover.
There's a reason for that, too. You cannot "cure" a hangover because it's not a disease or virus. It's DAMAGE to your body. You can't "cure" a laceration, either. Do you see what I mean? You have a hangover because you wounded yourself through intoxication-- or, if you prefer, an overdose of toxic chemicals in your body.
There's no cure for physical damage. You have to wait for it to heal.
Suck it up, and think about that next time you have a choice between being a civilized human being (just drinking for a mild buzz) and being a sloppy idiot (getting knock-down drunk).
. . .and if you get a hangover from mild drinking, then that's your body telling you that your tolerance isn't high enough to be drinking much at all.
Drink. Just don't be a fool... Or don't expect pity when you are one.
@MrPyro321: @brianhatch:
If she were worried about her liver we wouldn't be having this conversation. Excessive Tylenol can be bad for your liver in rare cases, about the same as in conjunction with alcohol. If you're a pussy, or have a low tolerance for OTC meds (or both), then just don't do it. Tylenol sales would plummet if nobody took it within 24 hours of drinking. In my experience, there is no other possible time TO take it.
\
@max crabb: Sorry, forgot about the weed. Always good, unless, again, you need to motivate. I think Rube Goldberg was probably high as a kite for some of his better work.
@ZeroCorpse: Smug, righteous, overbearing and annoying all in one post. I'd say this is a first, but it's not even close. Be careful getting down from your horse, it seems to be mighty tall. (And yes, I know, you actually get down from a duck.)
Avoid shit-ass alcohol like Cuervo and Jack Daniels, and chase every drink with a glass of water and you will never get a hangover.
Also, the number one rule is to not drink like a douchebag.
Intravenous fluids. Saline solution IV. Oh, you're not a doctor, emt, nurse etc.? Stop. Hammer time.
-B vitamins (a TON, like 500% daily serv)
-Caffeine
-Advil Migraine
-Water throughout the day
-Shower alternating hot and cold
-1 mile run to get above chemicals into blood and brain faster
Works!
PS... @ZeroCorpse: You're a lil' bitch. What in the world made you write all that bullshit?
"Anyone know how to hack a monkey?"
You beat it. HA!
@ZeroCorpse:
It's a sentence often thrown around but in this case it just has to be said.
GET A LIFE!!!
Aside from the obvious advice of don't drink so much, I find that food & water are the best antidotes in most cases. When it's really severe, eat something light before you take any pain killers (I've forgotten that a few times and felt much worse for an hour after taking a pain killer, so the food is essential). Beyond that, find someplace dark and don't move if you don't have to until it passes.
One last question: Is this some sort of weekend drinking holiday I don't know about or is it just a really slow newsday?
@ZeroCorpse: Damn you sound like this guy I know. We used to hang out but he was a square. He was always all mythodical, talkin and writing shit like this. He was weird.
Oxygen is a great hangover cure, though to have access to it in the US you have to be trained to use it, EMTs ASSEMBLE!
I thought to cure a hangover you were supposed to keep drinking. I'm not totally sure being as I don't drink and can't get drunk through osmosis while I'm in bars with my friends until 3am.
After many hours in the hangover lab... I found the best cure was children's Pedialyte for re-hydration and replenishing electrolytes, I swear that's the only reason the supermarket near campus carried so much of the stuff when I was in school. Also they have better flavors now, used to be just grape.
A hangover is a sore head, churning stomach and an aversion to bright lights and loud noises, right?
So that differs from every other day I wake up how?
I'm not sure about hacking monkeys, but I do know that before testing or reconfiguring, you should always mount a scratch monkey.
[en.wikipedia.org]
how about not drinking to the point that makes you hung over. i understand shit happens and you drink a little more then intended, but if your worried about this...because this a on going issue every weekend. you might want to check yourself.
Sleep through the day and Eat through the Night.
Who freaking cares, I come here to read about gadgets not your blogs, I would at least like it more if you said you are dying from liver disease from all that drinking
@Voltron's Underwear: Pedialyte work excellent for re-hydration, we used to use it after weigh ins during wrestling season. Water just makes you bloated and takes longer to actually help you.
@max crabb: Don't remind me of my past favorite cure for everything...
BTW, Cheap peach champagne (bottle or two) is always a nice fix in the morning.
@OMG! Ponies!: Most green tea has caffeine unless explicitly labeled decaffeinated. Also, aspirin is a good call. But not Tylenol since acetaminophen gathers in the liver, and guess what, so does booze. So that also extends to other products like Excedrin that also have acetaminophen.
I always start out with coffee. It helps with the headache, but it also further dehydrates you. Water too. Then you end up pissing half of it out as well as your body's sodium. So gatorade is good....or lately I have a bowl of chicken soup which is awesome.
Smart water: [www.glaceau.com]
Drink as much as you can before passing out, and as much as you can when you wake up. It's purified water with a complement of electrolytes, sans artificial flavors and sugars. Best thing for rehydrating other than Shoghon's idea of intravenious fluids. If you can get through the pain, a quick workout before breakfast will actually help quite a bit, increasing circulation and giving you a shot of endorphines. Finally, protein. Greasy, greasy, protein. I'm a fan of chorizo and egg tacos, but a burger or anything at ihop will do.
Oh, and Zerocorpse you are a douche.
I'm pretty sure this is the funniest gizmodo post i have read. Also, as mentioned many times before, the easiest way to escape a hangover; don't stop drinking, plus it makes work more fun!
@Gann: I'm going to second both statements. Zerocorpse, why do you think you're better than the rest of us? I know full well the risks of over-drinking. I haven't been accepted into my Ph.D program because I'm an idiot. Don't you dare try and pontificate to us.
Second, Smart Water is not only good for you, it's perhaps, in my opinion, some of the best tasting water on the market. Plus, it's rather inexpensive. Good call.