R2 is squealing at me. Honest-to-God stormtroopers are standing guard nearby. Perfect conditions to prove that I've outgrown my Padawan pants, and can now move a plastic ball with my mind like a real Jedi.
Since I'm no Yoda, I still need my EEG headgear-which Jedi Uncle Milton built for me and sells as the Star Wars Force Trainer. It picks up my brain waves from sensors on a wireless headset and beams them to the receiver, which moves a floating ball in a tube only if I concentrate just so.
Just as Obi-Wan taught me, I relaxed my mind, unfocused my eyes, like trying to decipher the Snowspeeder Magic Eye poster I had hanging above my bed back home. No dice.
But just as the nearby goblin with flames for hair began to mock me, up it spins. Oh, there it goes, oh glorious Force! The ball is spinning! But R2, being unable to contain himself whenever shit starts levitating around him, of course ruins my concentration with his incessant beeping. But I did it, I really did it.
In all honesty, I think Qui-Gon may have been behind a nearby curtain, giving me a bit of a boost. Because from the point before the ball started spinning to when it took to the air, the only thing I did was cross my arms in disgust. Maybe that's the sneakiness of the force—or maybe I only mesh with the DARK SIDE. Time to go drink a few dozen Midichlorian smoothies while I think things over.
The Star Wars Force Trainer, and EEG-like brain wave game that kind of works, will go on sale later this year for $100-$130. Video by the level-31 fire-headed Dark Side goblin also known as Matt Buchanan [Toy Fair 2009]