The Sordid History of Autofellatio AKA Sucking One's Own Peen

Slate has an in-depth and comprehensive history of autofellatio, which means, um, giving one's self a blowjob. If you haven't tried, know that only two or three males out of a 1,000 can do such a thing.

It's a rare feat to accomplish because of our ribcage and spine—most of us just aren't equipped to do such a thing (luckily!). The whole article is worth a read just for the cast of characters who've been documented to perform autofellatio: some of them took yoga classes to gain flexibility, others could only get off that way and above all, most were perverts. One was physically described as:

He seems a devious wee character, this patient of theirs. The authors describe him as being somewhat effeminate in posture, gait and mannerisms; he stood only 5 feet 2 inches tall-"somewhat thin and with wide hips," they wrote, with "a female pattern of distribution of his pubic hair" and "his gag reflex is very sluggish."

I'm half-surprised no one has invented some sort of mechanism to make this mainstream. Or rather, I'm actually glad that no one has done such a thing. Good job world. Read the whole take at Slate. [Slate]