Tonight is Halloween, so you're probably either out taking your kids to collect candy, or getting shitfaced. But it's Monday! So don't do the latter—instead, get drunk off fear. Here are the best spooky flicks to stream online.
Whether you use Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon video on demand, odds are there's something that will make you clench your butt in terror, easily accessible from the streaming box of your choice.
This is a really, really fucked up movie—I'll say that upfront. If you have trouble watching genitals get mutilated, children dying, and marital discord, this one might be too much. But if you have the stomach, it's a pretty incredible movie: a shattered couple trapped in the woods, descending into madness. Who doesn't love that? It's beautiful, extremely tense, and chokingly dark. But, yeah, mind that penis scene. [Netflix and Amazon]
Paranormal Activity 2
Yeah, the entire series is built on the camcorder gimmick and some cheap LOUD NOISE scares. But it's still brillant, lo-fi, and, most importantly, scary. Watching a demon-tormented household for an hour or so is best experienced with a friend or sexual partner—so as to feed of the mutual unease—and lights-off is a must.
French. Anxiety-inducing. Mysterious. Beautiful women. A missing corpse. Paranoia. This is one of the best horror flicks ever just by the sheer amount it's able to screw with your brain. [Hulu]
If you're gonna do slasher, do slasher right. If you want to watch teens get stabbed apart, running for their lives, it don't get no better than this. [Netflix]
Another guaranteed hit for the semi-sadist, this Austrian number from the 90s is 104 minutes of a vacationing family being tortured by psychopaths. It's hard to watch—but isn't that the best thing to watch? [Netflix]
I can't really say anything about this one without ruining it, but let me assure you it's easily one of the most sick, revolting, ingenius movies I've ever seen. You might not want to eat dumplings for a while. [Netflix]
Surf Nazis Must Die
To be completely honest, I've never seen this. I have no idea what it's about. But given the name, I don't think that really matters. [Hulu]
Feel free to contribute your own! I anticipate our collective nightmares this evening.