EVERYTHING ON THE DOLLAR BILL IS A CONSPIRACYS

The dollar bill has some weird shit plastered on it. This we know. But even more weird are the outlandish interpretations people extract from the seemingly cryptic symbols (most of which are just old and Christian and zzzzzz...zzzzzzz...zzzzzz). But if you're conspiracy-minded, well, take your pick from these five ridiculous one dollar delusions:

Freemasons


Everyone is convinced that the pyramid is some sort of reference to the Order of Freemasons. And weird decodings—like this hexagram—are creative, but also ridiculous. The eye in the triangle was a pretty common symbol for the Holy Trinity at the time, and the Freemasons didn't even begin using a similar symbol for at least 10 years after the first Washington was printed. Sorry!

The Antichrist


Apparently this is a reference to the whore mentioned in the Bible's Book of Revelation, which itself was a allegorical exploration of evil. I don't even think Picasso could support this one.

Nintendo


ZELDA IS REALLY A FRONT FOR A CENTURIES-OLD SECRET SOCIETY AND SHIGERU MIYAMOTO IS IMMORTAL. Either that, or he sent Eiji Aounma back in his secret time-machine to have the Triforce worked into the dollar bill design.

Pirates


Spider? Owl? Nah man, Skull and bones! America was secretly founded by a shadow organization of pirates! Duh.

Hippies


The hippies of the 1960s have nothing on the hippies of the 1760s, who were able to force their will onto the dollar bill. Being able to fold George Washington into some form of a fungus is not only proof that he enjoyed himself some psychedelics, but it's also the best argument for the decriminalization of drugs yet. Amiright?