Everything You Need To Totally Destroy Your Phone's Beautiful DesignS

The hard working industrial designers behind your favorite smartphone spend months perfecting the handset's design so it feels great in your hand, and easily squeezes into your pocket. Only to have a bevy of casemakers come along with ridiculous designs that completely negate all the effort that's been put into the phone's aesthetics.

But if you think completely wrecking your svelte handset is worth it for the occasional chuckle over your wacky case, here's everything you'll need to totally destroy your phone's beautiful design. And probably break an industrial designer's heart in the process. We hope it was worth it.

Everything You Need To Totally Destroy Your Phone's Beautiful DesignS

Silicone iBooty Case

This abomination unfortunately speaks for itself. It's a soft silicone case with a giant rounded ass on the back, giving perverts a better grip on their handset. Even as a stand it fails since the cheeks are so large and protruding that it would put your phone at an awkward angle for watching videos. That, and you'll just be embarrassing yourself carrying this around. $5

Everything You Need To Totally Destroy Your Phone's Beautiful DesignS

thumbsUp Giant Ear Case

Apparently there's a genuine concern that talking with a phone pressed against the side of your head will make people think you're missing an ear. So this silicone case shaped like a massive ear replacement emphatically reminds everyone that everything is A-OK. What other explanation is there? For humor's sake? We don't hear anybody laughing. $21

Everything You Need To Totally Destroy Your Phone's Beautiful DesignS

iMeshi Nikujaga Case

Food photography and Instagraming photos of every single meal you eat is all the rage right now. But decorating your phone with your favorite beef and vegetable dish? That's just disgusting.

Not only are you never going to get your phone in your pocket while it's covered in fake plastic Nikujaga, but this case has to feel completely uncomfortable in your hand. You'd be better off just plopping your phone into a real plate of Nikujaga. At least then you'll have wrecked your phone and had something to eat. $48

Everything You Need To Totally Destroy Your Phone's Beautiful DesignS

Dokkiri Hand Case

Can't afford the thousands of dollars needed to buy yourself a full-size silicone doll? This case is far from the next best thing, but at least it gives you a cold heartless hand to hold whenever you're making a call. But let's be honest here, the iPhone was the first mobile device that made surfing certain types of imagery possible. And we're sure anyone actually buying this case will find more creative uses for that hand. $60

Everything You Need To Totally Destroy Your Phone's Beautiful DesignS

De Bethune Alligator Leather Case With Pocketwatch

Designed by David Zanetta and Denis Flageollet, this hoity-toity case wrapped in alligator leather is supposed to bring an extra aura of class and sophistication to your smartphone. But then they went and added a bulky mechanical pocket watch on the back.

You know what your smartphone can already do really well? Tell the time. Without ever needing winding. And if you prefer an old analog watch face, there's only about a 100,000 apps for that, so take your pick and skip this eyesore. Expensive

Everything You Need To Totally Destroy Your Phone's Beautiful DesignS

Half Mug Case

For some reason case manufacturers like to justify asinine designs by claiming they add functionality. This half-mug, for example, features a rounded back complete with a handle that lets you prop your iPhone up for easy hands-free viewing. But when that thirty second YouTube clip is over, the case goes back to being a giant awkward inconvenience to carry around. $22

Everything You Need To Totally Destroy Your Phone's Beautiful DesignS

Toasted Bread Case

Food is a popular recurring theme when it comes to novelty phone cases. And this soft extra-smooshy case looks exactly like a perfectly toasted piece of bread. It almost seems edible, and if it's still subject to the universal law that toast always lands buttered side down, this could reliably save your phone's butt every time you accidentally drop it. $13

Everything You Need To Totally Destroy Your Phone's Beautiful DesignS

Revolver Case

Tucking your iPhone into the waistband of your pants keeps it always in easy reach. But its smooth surfaces means you're going to have a heck of a time keeping it there. Unless you have access to a 3D printer which you can use to spit out this cumbersome revolver case. Not only will it make your phone easier to carry when jammed in your waistband, but everyone from police to airport security should be really interested in its unique design every time you pull it out to make a call. DIY