Onion
”iPhone to Feature Unlimited Movie Downloads, 37-Foot Screen
After rumors of an extreme price-drop and black glossy appearance, new details about the iPhone 3G keep dripping like Princess Peach's bathroom faucet: a New York-based TV station has got exclusive details, pointing out in its news ticker that Apple's wonderphone will feature "unlimited movie downloads." The channel's rumor record is practically flawless, as demonstrated by their prediction on the extension of the Iron Man trailer into a full-length movie. Full video after the jump.
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Iron Man Trailer to Be Extended Into Full Feature, Sources Say
Sources at ONN are reporting that the ultra-popular Iron Man trailer—which already has had a sequel—may become a full-length film at "one point in the future." The rumor is supported by some leaked evidence, which includes still pictures as well as other clips. One visibly-shocked Brian Lam—Gizmodo's own Editor-in-Chief and collaborator of cooking blog provençale-cuisine.com—declared: "that's cool. Can I keep the toys?" [ONN—thanks Richard]
Diebold Accidentally Leaks 2008 Election Results Early
Diebold, the company run by unscrupulous Republicans that manufactures crappy, easily-hacked voting machines, has done a bang-up job of pretty much destroying many people's confidence in the legitimacy of the democratic process. No one is better at calling out such depressing aspects of our country with biting humor like The Onion, who here tell us about how all the fun of the election this year was ruined because Diebold accidentally leaked the results ahead of time. It's funny because it could be true! Ha… ha? [The Onion]
bad journalism
The Onion 'Reports' on Virgin Galactic, Gets it All Wrong
The Onion has finally gotten around to reporting on Virgin Galactic unveiling its new spaceship, and I'm pretty sure they got most of the facts wrong. Personally, I think The Onion could use a little bit more serious reporting. Will passengers really get "awesome robot sex" in space? I somehow doubt it, but if so why don't you quote your sources, Onion? Hello, fact checking! Let's try to take things more seriously Onion, shall we? Your reputation is at stake. [The Onion]Gizmodo Sues The Onion for Libel, Asks Drew Curtis for Legal Advice
LAKE TAHOE, Nevada (Agencies) — Popular technology blog and cocktail bar guide Gizmodo has sued leading international newspaper The Onion for libel, following the latter recent article on Microsoft Corp.'s (MFST) Zune 2 MP3 player's roaring success.
More »The Onion's New GotchaBoxes for 2007: Even More Hilarious Than Last Year
The witty pranksters at The Onion are at it again, creating a whole new set of four GotchaBox containers for Christmas, 2007. Get one of these fake boxes ($7.99, or $17.99 for a three-pack, available November 19) and wrap it up with a real (or shitty) gift inside. Then watch their faces as they try to get all excited about a non-existent gadget such as an auto power strip, a smoke alarm that plays sounds of the rain forest, or this "Visor.ganizer" that can supposedly carry up to seven pounds of crap in the visor of your hat. These are even better than last year's batch, which included our favorite, the USB Toaster. Hilarious. Check out the gallery below for the mirth and madness in all its glory. [The Onion Store]Charge Up an iPod with an Onion
Who knew you could poke a hole in an onion, soak it in some Gatorade, and then power up an iPod with it? Those must be some serious electrolytes in that drink. Sometimes science just seems like miraculous magic. Just don't be using any of my towels to wipe the excess Gatorade off that onion. [Household Hacker]
parody
Onion Does iPhone Parody
The Onion—who's really hit or miss nowadays—just did a parody on some of the iPhone features. We're going to have to put this into the SNL iPhone and MadTV iPhone pile as unfunny parodies, unlike the iPhone Commercial spoof, which made us chuckle a bit. More »
press
The Onion: Even CEO Can't Figure Out How RadioShack Still In Business
The retail outlet boasts more than 6,000 locations in the United States, and is known best for its wall-sized displays of obscure-looking analog electronics components and its notoriously desperate, high-pressure sales staff. Nevertheless, it ranks as a Fortune 500 company, with gross revenues of over $4.5 billion and fiscal quarter earnings averaging tens of millions of dollars.More »
gadgets
Apple iLaunch: The Product-Unveiling Product
In a big media event yesterday, which we unfortunately missed, Apple unveiled the iLaunch, according to The Onion."Get ready for the future of product introduction," said Jobs, looking resplendent in a black turtleneck and faded jeans. "The iLaunch will be able to make announcements from this, or any other stage, making human participation in generating consumer awareness almost entirely unnecessary."More »
cellphones
The Onion Reports on iPhone 2.0
The Onion's satire piece on the development of iPhone 2.0, due out only months after the first rev, is only too close to the truth."When the second-generation iPhone comes out this fall, we want iPhone users to feel not just jealous, but downright foolish for owning such laughably primitive technology." Jobs also hinted that the second iPhone device would not be compatible with existing Mac computers, third-party peripherals, or any future Apple products.The lack of backwards compatibility thing? Hmm. Sounds more like a Zune/Plays for Sure kind of move. Also noteworthy, is The Onion's Palm sponsorship (see image above). More »
portable media
The Onion Poops on Sirius Radio
Yeah, mostly everyone I know hates satellite radio. If they don't hate satellite radio, they don't care about it. If they don't care about it, it's because they don't recognize its existence. Which is why The Onion is reporting on the new Sirius lineup, to help fight its negative and/or non-existent image. Here are some new shows and channels Sirius is rolling out to gain new listeners: More »
gadgets
The Onion's GotchaBox Plays Mind Games With Greedy Fools
If you're sick and tired of all the Christmas greed, now you can start fucking with your gift recipients, giving them a faked-up GotchaBox with an old pair of socks inside. Who better to make up fraudulent packaging than those merry pranksters at The Onion? They're jerking around everybody with a $20 set of three realistic boxes printed with slick graphics promising absurdities such as a USB Toaster, a Salt-of-the-Month Club membership or a Make-Your-Own-Umbrella Kit. More »
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