We have made fun of Green Arrow’s Boxing Glove Arrow for too
long. Sure, it’s easy to laugh at a man firing a boxing glove from his bow, but
it’s still an arrow meant to knock bad guys out instead of piercing their
flesh, and that’s genuinely useful. Besides, Green Arrow has had dozens of arrows over the years that are infinitely
stupider — here are 16 ridiculous trick arrows that make the Boxing Glove look like the height of sensibility.
1) Aqua-Lung Arrow
Plenty of superheroes besides Aquaman need to go underwater
now and then, so keeping some kind of breathing apparatus on hand just makes
sense. What doesn’t make sense is attaching a completely functional oxygen mask
to the end of an arrow. Having an arrow shaft hanging off your mask seems
needlessly unwieldy, but how often are you going to actually need to shoot an
oxygen mask at someone? Wouldn’t it make infinite more sense to just carry an
arrow-less mask around, and then attach the mask to an arrow as needed?
2) Atomic Warhead
Arrow
Oliver Queen has a nuclear bomb. He keeps it on an arrow. As
problematic as this is, here’s what I want to know: Where the hell does Green
Arrow think he’s going to shoot a goddamn nuclear bomb arrow from where he
won’t be instantly incinerated as well?
3) Mummy Arrow
When Green Arrow wants to ensnare a bunch of criminals at once, he has many options, including a variety of net arrows and
even a bola arrow. He also has a Mummy Arrow, which wraps up bad guys with
mummy-like bandages, which is kind of ostentatious, but still functional. What
makes the Mummy Arrow so ludicrous is that the
arrowhead is shaped like a tiny Egyptian sarcophagus. Look, Oliver. Just
because you think of it doesn’t mean you have to make it.
4) The Arrow-Bomb
Sounds normal, right? But the Arrow-Bomb is anything but.
First off, it’s not really a bomb. It’s a three-stage rock that fires nine more
arrows — three short arrows, then three long arrows, then three more short
arrows — making the Morse code for S.O.S. Hoping someone could decipher this ridiculously
elaborate message seems risky; because I have to imagine at minimum half the
people who saw it wouldn’t realize it’s an S.O.S. message, but instead think
“Oh shit, it’s a bunch of arrows.” Even if it had a 95% effectiveness rate, how
is this nonsense at all better than an arrow bearing a tiny flag with S.O.S.
written on it?
5) Fake Uranium Arrow
For all the times you’re fighting bad guys who have Geiger
counters and you want them to think they’re hanging out in a radioactive area.
6) Tuning Fork Arrow
What possible use could Green Arrow have for a tuning fork
arrow, you ask? Well, he actually managed to use it to destroy a tank by
finding the perfect resonance to make it basically shake itself apart. That’s
actually pretty useful. Here’s my question: How did Green Arrow know the exact
tone that would destroy the tank? Also, does this means he’s carrying hundreds
of differently pitched tuning fork arrows, because he never knows which one
he’ll need? Did he fire dozens of tuning fork arrows uselessly at this thing,
until chancing upon the correct one? This can’t be an efficient use of quiver
space.
7) Acetylene Torch
Arrow
Much like an aqua-mask, the Acetylene Torch is another
useful item in any superhero’s inventory, and also like the Aqua-Mask, there is
absolutely no goddamned reason it needs to be attached to an arrow shaft. Just
carry a goddamned acetylene torch, Oliver, and on the rare occasion you
actually need to fire one at somebody, attach it to an arrow then.
8) Mind-Reading Arrow
I don’t have the faintest clue how this thing works.
9) Heli-Spotter Arrow
An arrow with some sort of spy camera on it would be
incredibly useful. Any arrow that could perform some sort of surveillance,
especially one that might not be seen, would be a major asset to an
bow-and-arrow-themed superhero. But the Heli-Spotter Arrow is an arrow with
three giant, rotating mirrors on it, which leads me to believe it could
possibly be spotted. Also, Green Arrow would have to be at a pretty specific
angle to be able to look at one of the mirror’s arrows and see anything useful.
Also, the arrow has a propeller on it, to keep it aloft, which makes me wonder
why it needs to be a goddamned arrow in the first place.
10) Antler Arrow
I don’t what’s more insane here: 1) that Green Arrow has an
arrow specifically designed to combat charging antlered animals, 2) that Green Arrow sees a moose attacking a small child and forgets he has an Antler Arrow, and Speedy has to remind him of it.
11) Stickum-Shaft
Arrow
When I first saw Oliver had something called a
“Stickum-Shaft Arrow,” I worried that it was some kind of Silver Age, Native
American racist caricature arrow. Nope! It’s just a long, hard shaft he fires
at his eventual lover Black Canary, which covers her in sticky goo. No problems
there!
12) Chimney Sweep
Arrow
When Speedy needs some cash, he borrows some of his mentor’s
arrows and going around town looking for odds jobs. One of these jobs is
cleaning out a chimney, which of course is a situation Green Arrow foresaw and
created an arrow for. I blame Mary Poppins for this.
13) Tumbleweed Arrows
Are you an arrow-themed superhero located in a dusty,
outdoor environment that needs to obscure the sight of some Old West-themed
criminal, and you want to be kind of an asshole about it? Then put away those
tired old smokescreen arrows and use a Tumbleweed Arrow instead!
14) Smog Alert Arrow
Despite its name, the Smog Alert Arrow is what Green Arrow
used when he wants to blind his enemies, but also fill their lungs with air
pollution.
15) Skeleton Arrow
This is, and I am 100% serious, an arrow with a small
skeleton attached to the end of it to scare bad guys. It’s basically an arrow
with a Halloween keychain on it.
16) Fake Cat Arrow
HOW DOES HE EVEN GET THAT FUCKING THING IN HIS QUIVER?
[Images via The Arrowcave and Absorbacon]
