Bandito-Bashin’ Mike, “Wacky Wild West Turtles”

Playmates exec #1: (bursting into office) Saddle up, because the Turtles are going to the Wild West!

Playmates exec #2: (sighs) Dave, this is not a good idea. It’s my last day. I’m not involved in this shit anymore, there’s no reason I need to hear about this crap.

Playmates exec #1: (ignores him) First up—Crazy Cowboy Don!

Playmates exec #2: A cowboy? Just a cowboy?

Playmates exec #1: Yeah.

Playmates exec #2: He’s not doing anything racist? Nothing with Indigenous peoples?

Playmates exec #1: No, he just shoots Foot soldiers and ropes cattle.

Playmates exec #2: (relieved) Actually, that sounds fine.

Playmates exec #1: Then there’s Sewer Scout Raph!

Playmates exec #2: Scout?

Playmates exec #1: Like Daniel Boone or Davy Crockett.

Playmates exec #2: Okay… and does he have any connection to Native Americans?

Playmates exec #1: No, he just explores the frontier.

Playmates exec #2: That’s—wait. He doesn’t have a “coonskin cap,” does he?

Playmates exec #1: Well, he has a living raccoon on his head, but it’s his friend.

Playmates exec #2: Wow, Dave. You’re two for two. I’m actually impressed. Who’s next?

Playmates exec #1: Bandito-Bashin’ Mike!

Playmates exec #2: Aaaand there we are. I’m just going to take a stab in the dark here. Is Mike wearing a sombrero?

Playmates exec #1: Yes.

Playmates exec #2: Does he have an oversized black mustache?

Playmates exec #1: Absolutely.

Playmates exec #2: Maybe a mariachi-style guitar?

Playmates exec #1: No.

Playmates exec #2: Okay, that’s something, I guess.

Playmates exec #1: His cactus pal does, though.

Playmates exec #2: (picks up phone) Security, please!