You just pre-ordered the newest iPhone. Or you're going to be the first in line to snatch one up next week. You're beaming. You're going to have the phone that everyone's talking about—the best iPhone ever.
Now please don't be an awful person who pisses everyone off. Here's what you can and can't do in public.
Don't talk about it online
It's understandable that you're excited. You should be! The iPhone 5 looks fantastic, and you're going to have a hell of a time with it. But nobody else is going to enjoy your phone, so they can't take part in your zeal. In fact, your zeal is really annoying, and comes across as boasting. Don't write things like this on Twitter or Facebook
"AHH just bought my iPhone can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"So pumped for my iphone 5!"
"typing this from my iphone 5 AHH!!!"
It's not about being excited for a gadget. That's good! We're excited about gadgets all the time—it's why we work here, guys. But a lot of people aren't going to be able to buy an iPhone 5, whether it's for money reasons, or it's sold out, or maybe they can't get an upgrade. Whatever the reason, you don't want your consumer enthusiasm to be obnoxious noise to those who will go without. They deserve only your pity.
Don't constantly whip it out in public
Oh, let me just check my text messages for no reason—what's that? Oh, yeah, I have a new iPhone 5. Just picked it up. Interesting that you noticed.
Having a status symbol is OK until you start acknowledging it as such. We all see through your smartphone exhibitionism, a-hole. Nobody's impressed. Maybe a little. But just stop.
Share the love
If you take out your new iPhone, friends who don't have one are probably going to want to check it out. We'll make an exception to the general "Don't Touch My Expensive Fragile Shit" rule for the sake of new, hyped up products. Be a mensch and give people a taste—it's the charitable thing to do. Of course, if they break it, vengeance will be rapid and pricey.
Don't ever, ever, ever refer to it as your "iPhone 5"
A thing that's not acceptable to say in public or private: "Hey, can you pass me my iPhone 5?"
No. Call it your iPhone, or just your phone. That's it. No five. No number. It's a cool new phone, but it's just a phone. You're gonna get punched in the stomach if you walk around running your mouth like that.
User Manual is Gizmodo's guide to etiquette. It appears as if by magic every Friday.