Ahh, a nice three day weekend. The weather was good. You've been outdoors, active, having fun, eating well. Now you're back in your sterile, loveless office. Here are a few tools to make the transition back slightly less brutal.
"A foot massage means nothing. I'd give my mother a foot massage." -Jules, Pulp Fiction. You definitely could give this to your mother, but you should get one for yourself, too. With its six kneeding, Shiatsu-style massage heads, sweet optional heat, and handy toe controls, you could keep this under your desk and let go of all your tension while you're filling out those damn TPS reports. [$50 at Amazon]
With your favorite tunes and a pair of earbuds you can drown out the hum of those florescent lights, the monotonous drone of the copy machine—even Brenda, that horrible woman who sits near you and rasps about the secret history Jeopardy! champions all day. Spotify has damn near every song/album you can think of at the touch of your fingers, and if you're willing to drop 5 bucks a month for Spotify Unlimited, you won't have to listen to those obnoxious ads. If it's blocked at your office, for $10 a month you can get Spotify Premium and stream music through your phone. If it keeps you from going postal, this is money well spent.[Spotify Unlimited $5/mo., Premium for $10/mo., or Free with ads]
Real sunlight stimulates your pineal gland in ways that electric lights don't. Many believe this insufficient pineal stimulation (yeah, I said it twice) can lead to a whole number of maladies, most commonly S.A.D., depression, and fatigue (though some will go as far as to blame this for cancer). If you work indoors all day, grab yourself a full spectrum light bulb for you desk lamp. They're pretty cheap (usually less that ten bucks a pop), and at the very least I've noticed they reduce eye-strain and in-office suicidal urges. You can find full-spectrum bulbs to fit virtually any lamp. [$35/4pk at Amazon]
Raise your hand if sometimes you eat to make yourself feel better. Okay, wow, you can put your hands down now, whole world. Seriously, on a busy day at work, when all hell is breaking lose, the only way to keep my sanity is to make my stomach happy. Web-based food-delivery services such as Seamless or GrubHub are godsends. It makes ordering something delicious and having it show up at your desk easy as pie. If the two services I mentioned aren't available in your city, do a little Googling, as there's almost certainly a local version. [Seamless and GrubHub]
Does your job require you to use a mouse a lot. Look, if your mouse hurts your hand, ever, you do not have to take it. Break out of the cycle of that abusive relationship, drop that bastard mouse, respect yourself, and pick up the best mouse ever. The Logitech G400 is the updated version of their greatest ever mouse, but now it's ever greaterer with better optical tracking. At only 40 bones, you owe it to your hands bones. [$40 at Logitech]
Yeah, it looks like some sort of bizzarre steam-punk octopus, but man, this thing feels sooo good. You ever scratch a cat behind his ears and you can tell he's just been transported into another dimension of ecstasy? This does that, but for humans. These vibrating head tinglers are amazing. Not only do I recommend keeping one in your living room for parties, but they're cheap so grab yourself a second one for the office. You'll look a little weird doing this to yourself in public, so you might wanna take this into the bathroom, though how you'll explain the vibrating sound coming out of your bathroom stall is up to you. [$10 for the Ting Ting at Amazon]
Work not so stimulating? Yeah, that's pretty common. If only there was some way to get a rush of endorphins while you're sitting at your desk. Oh wait, how about Endorphin Rush Hot Sauce! Dab a little little on your tongue. It's so sweet! And then, suddenly, you get the first hint of what you're in for. This will trigger all of your fight or flight endorphins because you will think that you dying. You'll drink a quarter-gallon of milk to get the burning out of your mouth, and then you'll go back to work more alert and alive than ever. Endorphin Rush isn't the hottest sauce in the world, but it's in the top ten, and I can personally guarantee its effectiveness. [$6 at HotSauce.com]