Happy Mabon! Isn't Mabon just your favoritest holiday of the year? Well, maybe not, but perhaps it would be if you were a pagan. Today marks the Autumnal Equinox. Days and nights are of equal duration, so here's seven tools to help get crunk!
What, you're going to have a pagan party without large amounts of fire? Me think'st not. What better way to honor nature than by burning some nature? The Landmann USA Big Sky Fire Ring is 28 inches in diameter, which means you can cram enough wood in it to keep your back yard party nice n' toasty. It also comes with a full-sized enamel grill for roasting some goat or lamb or what have you. To top it off, it breaks up into pieces for easy storage and it has cutouts of stars and moons or animals (depending on which you choose). What could be more pagan than that? Flame on! $145
Mabon is also known as the Second Harvest, and if there's one thing that fall harvest food screams to me, it's pies, baby, pies. The only thing I like better than a big ol' pie is many little pies. Meat pies, veggie pies, berry pies, pumpkin pies, PIES PIES PIES! So I'm understandably excited about the Breville Pie Maker. You can make four little pies at the same time! That's an appetizer pie, to main course pies, and a dessert pie. Your pagan party guests will love you for these. $100
Speaking of harvest, fall is prime apple-picking season. Grapes, too, depending where you are. You're not going to let your pagan party guests go thirsty, are you? Eff no, which is why you need this gorgeous and functional Homesteader Cider & Wine Press. It works with any soft fruit, and even has a special apple shredder so you can get as much juice as possible. They have smaller, cheaper ones, too, but this will be just right to fuel a medium-sized bacchanal. $700
Okay, you've juiced your juice, which is delicious, but it's not going to get anybody shitfaced as it is. Sure, you could let it ferment a long, long time, but if your party is just a few days away you need to expedite the process. Spike Your Juice can help you with that. Its air-stopper and yeasty packets will get your juice good and boozy within just a few days. Now you can get inebriated (responsibly) and give thanks to Mother Nature without all those pesky scruples. $25 for the party pack, or $10 just to try it at Spike Your Juice
Alright, you've got booze covered, but wait! How are you going to carry it? Sometimes the old ways are the best ways. With this super classy Hand-Made Bota Wineskin you don't have to worry about breaking bottles, losing the cap, or what happens if you get too sloshed and drop it on the ground. Made with traditional pitch on the inside, you've gotta give it some love before you can use it, but once that's done, you are pagan balling out of control. $95
Great, you've got the fire, the food, and the drinks covered, but oh yeah, it's fall now and maybe the weather kind of sucks on the night of your party. Are you going to let a little rain ruin your rite? Hell no, you're going to get yourself a big-ass, olde-timey, period-style pavilion tent that can fit all of your friends. This one here is 18 feet in diameter and plenty tall. Even if the weather is nice this will give you a nice secluded spot for the orgy later. $1,300
Look, you're hosting this pagan party, so there's really no way around it... you're going to have to dress up like a satyr and dance around. Be the beast! Indulge your animal nature! It's tradition! Okay, even if it isn't, your friends will thank me for tricking you into doing this. Just grab some sexy goat leggings like these, and start prancing around. It will certainly make everyone's Mabon much more memorable. $42